Bugsy... I feel like I have crying non-stop for the past little while. Painful, gut wrenching sobs. Similar to BD. all the while wondering when this will all end... Why do I feel like I'm not good enough.. Being mad at the world.. Mad at myself..
I'm so sorry You feel like you're not good enough because you became codependent on one person (like nearly all married people do) and that person has dumped you, destroying your self-esteem in the process. But the reason he left is NOT because you're not good enough. You may never know why he left, but one thing you will know again is that you are a valuable person and your H isn't the only man in the world that realizes it. You will love and be loved again whether it's by H or someone else. But first you've got to find yourself again, the strong, independent woman that existed before H came along. She's still in there, just suppressed. Get out and get a life without H, and before you know it she'll be back again!
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So when I felt moments of sadness over the weekend, I focused on the 2 beautiful little people in the back seat that deserved to feel loved and happy. Watching D get all wet from tromping in the ocean.. S run with his windmill trailing behind.. Scampering in the backyard looking for adventures with their friends.. And sticky faces full of roasted Marshmallows..
That's fantastic, nice way to divert your thoughts from negative energy to positive energy
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I felt more me in those moments.
Exactly!! Michele says in DR that we need to remember that this poor, sad, broken person we are right now in our sitches is NOT the "real" us. It is a temporary us, created by what has happened. Our goal is to find the real us again!
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I think I also feel like i don't want to bother people with my problems. Things I reflect on all the time....
Find someone to share your thoughts and emotions with, just make sure it's not a friend or family member with ties to H. Someone completely unattached to your sitch. There is nothing more therapeutic than talking these things through with a sympathetic ear.
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Mi chiama bf.
Here's one you'll need a lot more: "Dov'e il gabinetto?"
You feel like you're not good enough because you became codependent on one person (like nearly all married people do) and that person has dumped you, destroying your self-esteem in the process. But the reason he left is NOT because you're not good enough. You may never know why he left, but one thing you will know again is that you are a valuable person and your H isn't the only man in the world that realizes it. You will love and be loved again whether it's by H or someone else. But first you've got to find yourself again, the strong, independent woman that existed before H came along. She's still in there, just suppressed. Get out and get a life without H, and before you know it she'll be back again! 
