MLC by MIL death/daughter car accident/new job

[Live4myDay]

He says he's not angry. He has a wonderful life now with a job he loves and gets to travel a lot. He misses his kids very much especially his daughter. Found out he was crying on the phone to her...something about religion and God. He acts so mature and that it was best decision he's ever made. He sounds very much like a a previous post from 4033 (?) re: WAS vs. LBS post. He's very content and has moved on. Understands what happened and was totally prepared for his new life. Never looked back said kids will be fine they're adults. Yes adults who figured out he left marriage in crisis and is with OW! They love him but have no respect for what he did. Tries to explain that it took a lot of strength and courage to do what he felt was right. We had grown apart blah blah IDLYAM etc. I get such mixed feeling anymore of depression that he's gone and it will never reconnect to such hopes as him crying and possibly have regrets. But would never ever let me know that. I'm working on that happiness. Not quiet there yet. Still very hard to deal with my daughter regaining her life as a quadrapalegic. I don't get a lot of me time but the bond we have made is unbelievable!!! Something he will never know. Just this past couple of days in my research and reading I feel free from the load do missing him. Almost that I have an "you're ok" I still get anxious when he text or calls my daughter but I try not to focus on that and walk away. Put that big STOP sign up. Almost saying "I don't really care anymore about you".

However I do have so much love for him. Saw recent picture of XH with my son at college art show and I just was full of love and emotion! Like I know every crows foot around his eyes and I love the way his hair feels in my fingers and how it's turned so grey. Things like that I just smile and know that I have always loved him since we first met. And then I see his lips and know that he's been with OW. Brings me down. But I am so much better looking than her (kinda bragging) maybe not as thin or athletic but then again I have some pretty awesome curves!! Lol, I don't want to compare because she is obviously a rebound relationship. He went right from me to her flirting with him and he took the first bait out there! I just want him to miss me like he misses the kids so much. He never inquires and any feelings he did have it gets channeled to my daughter.

I'm still debating on sending that card I mentioned. I keep trying to guess how he'll react. After our divorce I sent him a framed picture of me and kids to his office with a big congratulations on it regarding his new job and how well he's doing. I have no idea if it's in his desk drawer or on the desk with OW picture overtop of mine. Lol...I think too much!

Anyway life is beautiful and amazing in Florida!! I would never be her doing what I'm doing had he not made his decision to move on without me. I am truly blessed to be able to be here for our daughter. The best thing about divorce.