Here is my thing, she wants to come over tomorrow night to talk about this. I asked her if this was a doom and gloom conversation. She asked why, and I said, well, I'm worried this will be 15 years of everything I've ever said or done wrong, and while I'll take responsibility for my actions, I don't know if my mental state can deal with that. She said, no, it's not everything you've done wrong, like a list, but it will be a very difficult and hurtful conversation for you that you will have to listen.
I have to be completely honest here. My W has already made me(or at least i feel) feel that everything wrong in this is my fault, and from her side that maybe it is, and that's natural. But, I don't know if I can mentally and emotionally take this conversation...I'm already carrying HUGE guilt from everything she has said that it has cost me my family. Im so conflicted, I know she needs to do this, and if there is any chance for us down the road, I need to let her voice her feelings and hurt and sit there and just listen, not defend myself.
What do I do here? I'm worried that it's going to be an hour or two of how bad a person I am, how I've ruined our lives together, etc.
I would start by asking what your end goal is...???
Additionally....
You know how YOU feel about all of those things, and you know what your vantage point was during all of those "bad" times..
And it goes back to what we discussed when you first started posting. You THINK that you understood her, and what she wanted and needed....
How confident are you now ? With this talk looming ??
I would say that the percentages have gone down a bit huh ???
You say that you have guilt now. I would say that whatever it is that you feel guilty about, you don't even know the truth in how she saw certain actions from you. So while you have the right to feel guilty, this is a chance to really understand the depths of that.
And I will say...there is a good chance that things aren't the same as they have been running through your head....
Chris..
IF....IF this is ever gonna work out, all of that anger HAS to come out of her, and she HAS to feel like her complaints were valid, and heard.
Have you always done that ???
Whether or not what she says is true...
It is very true for her, and it is very real for her. And if she is willing to share that, then I would advise you to sit down where you can really LISTEN to her. Grab a nice big cup of STFU, and really listen to her....
Listen to her side of things, how she feels, how she thinks...
Seek to understand her before you need to be understood...
Some of the best advice I ever read here, was ....
Listen without defending, and speak without offending....
So can you do this ?
Doesn't really matter does it ???
How many years did she give to the marriage, with minimal effort from you ???
