Have you told her that you are not going to take a back seat to OM? And does she know that you will be looking for a place to move in about a week?

You still don't get it, Alan. You're still thinking about going together to shop for groceries and pondering over her birthday gift. The WAW who is involved with OM has to experience loss in the life she had with her H before she will begin to turn back around. The girl thinks you're going to buy her a birthday present a month away! She doesn't think you're going anywhere! So apparently, you have not made it very clear about your intentions.

Look, she totally disrespects you. She proves that fact over and over every day. She didn't want to spend time with you at dinner, b/c she was involved in texting someone else the entire time, according to what you said.

You have to make her think you are dumping her b/c she isn't good enough for you. I don't how to make it any plainer than that. B/c she doesn't respect you and b/c she's doing another guy and is living a new lifestyle....she has to believe you have dumped her. Do you see? When a LBH is acting all needing and clingy and trying to get a wayward wife to stay in the M she has so willfully disrespected.....she is totally turned off to him. And why shouldn't she? It isn't attractive at all for a man to act like that.

But if she's convinced that she's LOSING YOU, then she'll forget all about lover boy. But you've got to have the stones to carry through with it.

If you had made it perfectly clear that you aren't hanging around to see what she decidesabout which man she wants.....you or OM, then when she asked you about an early birthday present, you would not have had any problem with a ready answer. You should have been able to just look at her very firmly and say, "You must be delusional". If further explanations were necessary, then I'd say the two of you have serious communication problems. Besides, if she has the nerve to ask, you should have the nerve to say at least that much. Why is it, that the H gets treated like cr@p and yet he kisses her a$$ and begs her to give him another chance? It's crazy.

I am not advocating that you see how mean you can be. The idea is to act happy, cool, confident, and moving forward. As if you're glad you got out of a bad situation and can find something much better. I realize that's not how you feel at all, but where men mess up is not separating their feelings from their techniques. All this acting as if.....is the technique you use to save this M.

Why do men worry and fear that if they pull back that she'll get the idea he's no longer interested? But that's exactly what needs to happen. That's what it takes to get her attention & interest in you. One reason OM are rather exciting to the WAW, is b/c he's "unavailable", or off limits (or should be), and it increases the desire to have him. Same thing works with the LBH. That's why you need to be unavailable while she's living like this. She needs to see you stand up and show that you don't have to settle for that kind of treatment, and that you can be happy without her.

If she sees that you are not interested in her, it will draw her in closer. But you've got to believe it, Alan, and realize it's going to be a long journey. I know you want it to quickly change back to how it once was, but if she doesn't go though this process of chasing you and her doing the work to get you back, and get your trust again, then you'll have a repeat of this behavior in about a month's time. So, don't make it easy for her. Make her work for it. If she agrees to stop contact with OM, don't settle for it, b/c she's not ready. It takes time, and loss for her. Remember that. You need to see her living like the girl you knew. Proving that she's not only willing, but that she's actually doing it.

Take it for what it's worth from a WAW who was in an A. You have a chance to get her back, if you'll realize that it should be her getting you back. If you won't lose focus of that one thing, you will do better than the majority of LBH's who have come here.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!