Hello IO, I've read your updates but just got caught up on your entire thread. There is a lot in common with our 'friendly' Hs.
Sounds like you're on the right path measuring your response to H about hiking. Maybe his GH backed out & he wants D to sub. I get in an 'assume the worst' state of mind and find that, even if the results are against me, I'll like myself better when not jumping to conclusions and thinking the best of others.
Hopefully your H will continue to respect your wishes and what's best for D by not forcing GF on her. You mentioned your H hasn't had a conv with D, but does she know anyways from you? I've had a hard time oversharing with kids. It's hard to keep everything inside.
Maybe his GH backed out & he wants D to sub. I get in an 'assume the worst' state of mind and find that, even if the results are against me, I'll like myself better when not jumping to conclusions and thinking the best of others.
I love this ^^^^ - I also tend to assume the worst when it comes to my H and many times. Thanks for the perspective.
IO - I relate to your fears and concerns re. your kids and OW... Mine are much younger but it is hard regardless of the circumstances. I struggled with letting go of the fact that OW is part of their lives regardless of my fears and wants, but I have come to terms (somewhat) with her interactions with them.
I had to dig deep and really come to terms with why I was so resistant. I sold myself to the idea that I didn't want "my kids to be hurt." The reality is that OW is nice to them (actually very, very nice) and my fears were rooted elsewhere... In my insecurities, fear of abandonement, hurt for my H's actions and my fear of being replaced not only as a wife but as a mother... Deep down I knew OW would not be hurting them. They are hurting because of our family being split, but having OW in their lives didn't change or add to it, if she was treating them well.
This issue of OW and the kids has been by far the hardest part of all this process for me. I was spinning with anger about it for over a year... In the end, it's all out of our control.
Very, very hard to do, but try to let go. Your kids' R with your H (and ultimately with OW) is their own and ff your H is serious about OW, the kids will meet her eventually.
I am sorry you have to deal with all of this and I understand the terrible anxiety it brings. ((((((IO)))))
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
KG: I actually told H to have the convo with D soon, if OW was going to be a part of his life.
But actually H and GF broke up today. Not expecting anything. Waiting until dust settles tomorrow. When I asked what happened he said that he does not want the whole here are my rules and here are your rules thing. Apparently it's been a source of discord before. I know they had a fight in February but made up. So this is why I am not all lightness and roses. Lol. Even if they were broken up, I am not sure he is ready or willing to look this way.
Shoot, just as everything was balancing in my life. H said man makes plans....but this is my plan. I still go forward, let go of hope and fear, rejoice the present and lean in.
wow, IO, big news. i am proud of you for working on not letting that distract you from your path and your focus on you... it must be hard. but now is the time to keep your heart and mind set on YOU and your growth.
btw, i just want you to know that i feel so so blessed to know you.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Btw, I feel the same way People come into your life for a reason... Now, you know tori and I are meeting up in Boston July 13? Hopefully a few others too. You in??
Io, wow you're keeping so cool with H's news! How did it come up? Did he just tell you? My H apparently ended his r recently but we don't talk about it. I don't know if it's a 'none of my business' thing or if he doesn't want to hurt me. Oh we'll. I like your lean in advice. Will remember that. So now D can go hiking and you don't have to worry about that situation!
I'll be in Boston next week! Any places to check out? I've never been
Thanks reb, am checking out your sitch, but am going to sleep soon lol! Not me for Boston, never been there . So have no idea!!
We were having huge texting convo where we were discussing our marriage etc and he just said as of ten seconds ago I think I am single..something about two sets of rules, I dunno.
I am calm because it doesn't change anything. H is not coming back tomorrow, I am not thinking this solves all the reasons he left anyway. He has work to do and so do I..all I can show is that I am a wife he was a fool to leave.
Besides, he has been "off" for a couple weeks, we will see.
