How to begin?

[Fartiltre]

Hi Lbh

Thanks for replying in my thread! As many others I am here every day and I have been reading your thread.
I am not a vet so I can only offer you simple advice and tell you what have worked for me! I have posted a lot in my thread but to summarize it:

1/
Act-as-if / Upbeat mood /Keep hoping
I’m still living with W so I have to keep my PMA strong all the time – I found that this is only possible as long as I believe – so I try to do that all the time! It is diffycult but practice. Everytime I feel despair I find a quiet place (bathroom, garden, corner I livingroom)and I think to my self “Is this feeling understandable” and “Is it alright to feel this way”. Then I do a breathing exercise and this helps. Feelings don’t disappear but it helps me keep going!

2/
180
I have done a lot! In 6 weeks I feel like I’m back to the old me! I feel great about this and just want to continue.
I try to come up with things I would like to improve.
Unlike you I know my wrongs and that have helped me a lot regarding 180s

3/
Journaling / Writing / Planning
I get my thoughts sorted out in here and in my personal journal.
Writing this to you makes me think about my own sit and that’s good!
I spend a lot of time trying to plan things. I plan on very short terms since long-terms-thoughts make me feel sad.

4/
Books
I read a lot! A vet in here told me not to get other theories mixed up with DB but I get motivated by reading about the subject. Lots and lots of people have made it through. I can recommend 5 Languages of Love, THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage. I started reading “I Love You but I'm Not in Love with You” and “Winning Your Wife Back Before It's Too Late” yesterday. The second one seems interesting.
…but don’t mix it up with DB!!!!
Perhaps books can help you realize what your W is/was missing and I would certainly recommend that you read 5LL! Get a kindle and get going!

5/
Staying busy
I have made my own to-do-list! I simply can’t GAL that much because of little time, so I do things at home.

This helps me every day but like you I also spend a lot of time trying to read the signs and to conclude what to do. I have signed up for telephone-coaching and I have had two sessions which have helped. Third one is Thursday this week.
The confusion is total at my place and as I read about your sit, I think the same goes for you! Regarding W I try to focus on the non-negative now. Earlier I focused on the positives but this drove me crazy so now I try to see it as non-negative and that help. Fewer thoughts and less analyzing - I just enjoy that something was non-negative! I think now that this is the right focus but things change all the time
Regarding anything else (kids, work, home) I focus strictly on positives!

I hope all the best for you, your family and your sit and will keep you in my thoughts!

Hour by hour and day by day!
Enjoy!