Yes that's what I was trying to say too. Like BF, my H expected me to react in anger and be a b*tch. And I was and I did for awhile. And it didn't help. And there was a mess on his side too that he was dealing with. But it wasn't until I started being friendly that he recognized change.
Friendly, or specifically 'neighborly' was my DB coach's idea. And the first two sessions she just said to be friendly when he reached out. Then last time, with the progress we saw, DB coach said to do a little of both. So I mostly wait for H to initiate, but when it gets stale like last night it'd been a couple days, I'll send a funny and break the ice a little.
And reading here about how you have no control really helped in the beginning too. I think you already know that and have really grown in that regard.
