Maybe a vet has another pov, but would dark, in your situation be considered sulking and give the wrong impression? I swear, shiss, I know you and we react the same way. I was dark for months. Did not speak to H about anything and if offered help I told him I was fine and I thrived. I lived a huge f*ck you. Didn't get me where I wanted to be. It wasn't until I started being friendly that I saw any results in communication with H. And I'm still not seeing the results I want, but at least we're having positive communication. And my H had expressed verbally once 'you guys don't even need me'. And I was like, that's right... Be genuine and kind, imo. I wonder about the time I lost by being dark. And you don't have all the time in the world...
Reb, I was friendly but it didn't get me anywhere that's the only reason I went dark. I'm not saying F you or have that attitude with him, more as if in my opinion
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
I have similar dilemma. I’ve been pretty much dark with my H doe a few months now. It didn’t take me anywhere so far. He actually started the conversation about the D two weeks ago. He wants to file jointly and not use the layers. We met a few times during last 9 months of separation. I was especially upbeat and friendly during the last few times when we met. But, it seems to make no difference to him.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Well, in my case H thought I would run him through he'll and back as woman wronged. Thank goodness for this site, I found the strength not to. We did not really start communicating until three months later, I mean really communicating. He is still not with me, with GF, but we are friends. It took me doing a complete turn around of who he thought I was going to be to get to that point. He said that he left and fully expected to be happy. He did not expect that he would be the same but that I would be happy.
So, if I had remained NC I am sure that he would have thought I just felt the same way he did. I live my life, am happy, but also reach out to say hi etc. the thing is for me to admit that I love him and remain friends and not be a vindictive witch is so opposite of what he expected that it confuses him.
I can't say this is DBing perfectly, but I found it works. It also puts me in limbo, which is not an easy place to be. But I think, if you put yourself there and accept what it means, it can be okay for as long as you need it to be.
I had a session with a coach, and he asked me what H expects me to do in this situation (him starting the D process). I had to think about it very hard, since I don’t really know what he expects. He wants me to go along and even help him to file the paper work, but what he truly thinks I would do, I have no idea.
Ruby, I’ve been following your sitch for some time, and I admire your strength. I don’t know if I would be able to do this if my H would have a GF. I think I would be done, but I guess I don’t know for sure. You are truly an inspiration for me. I’ve been trying to test the waters (for me) of being a friend to my H (after all, this is what he wants), but I find it a bit difficult sometimes.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
