Good afternoon, all. Yesterday I sat down to post about how I had decided to stop putting off the decision to label H as MLC, and start treating the situation as such. After getting myself completely down in the dumps thinking H was on a bad cycle that fed the problem and offered no solutions, I decided not to think about it so hard. H seems to replay all of our R problems and all of his problems. Occassionally he talks about solutions, but he never takes action. He switches between blaming the world (they need to do somehting) and depressed self-flagellation (he is powerless to do anything). Needless to say, progress on problems of all varieties has ground to a halt. Often, he sounds like someone who wants to have his cake and eat it too; and I've been tempted to give him a good scolding. Such was the situation yesterday...
Then last night, H casually asked, "If I were to move back in here, where would I put my stuff." This is different from his typical declaration that he can't move back because there is no room. I said, "Well, I have a plan. Do you want to see?" I thought the answer would be a dead "no," but he said, "Yes." Naturally he didn't like my plan at all, but we talked about some options, as though it were really going to happen.
Then we had the discussion over whether or not it's the right thing. I have no reservations about it, but H does. When clarified his reservations sounded something like this, "I just know that I was completely committed to this relationship before, but then things didn't go the way that I thought they were going. Some things happened and we didn't deal with them. We don't communicate and it just got to the point where we weren't dealing with things and now those things are still there." If anyone could possibly translate this, I'd love the help. H couldn't explain any better than that. I did ask. I've got a couple of guesses as to what he's talking about, but guessing doesn't really do me any good.
He kept going back to how awful things were before, so I asked him if things were that way now. He said that things are different now and that he can tell that I am making changes. He paused, so I added, "... but things aren't what you think they ought to be either?" I got a qualified answer that amounted to "yes." He also mentioned "again" that he's afraid I'll throw him out "again"... gee how many times do we have to disagree about this one? He left, but just can't admit it. There's no point in discussing it.
There wasn't any conclusion to the issue of whether or not he would move home. I just know he's thinking about it and it's possible to do. This would certainly be a constructive solution to one of his problems (that is not our relationship, but a different problem). In the end, I told him that I couldn't make the decision for him. He did say that he trusts me and he is pretty sure he loves me. How sweet is that?
