Some WAW's play mind games with the LBH. One example is pretending to ask if you mind for her doing whatever she intended to do. She doesn't care if you mind or not, b/c she is caught up in her A with the OM.
Instead of telling her that you can't control her (b/c so many women would be thinking, "you've got that right bub!") just look right at her and say in a convincing tone of voice, "I don't really care what you do any longer. I have decided that I am going to live my life....and I'm going to do what makes me happy." Then turn away from her and do not continue the discussion b/c it will lead to a R talk, and that's a no- no.
The WAW thinks the M she has does not bring her happiness anymore. She wants to get away from her H and the life she had with him. The more he tries to hold her back from leaving him, the harder she fights to get away. However, if he goes on showing her his confidence, and that he can be happy and have a life just fine without her.......it will draw her back to him.
There have been a few WAW's to come here to the board who were desperate to get their LBS's back. Now understand, not in every case, but those that stand out to me were the ones where the LBH left the WAW when an A with OM was discovered. I'm not telling you to leave your W if you don't want to. I'm saying that when the LBH turns it around and leaves his W, it seems to snap them back to reality a whole lot quicker. Even if you can't leave the house right away, you can leave her with your attitude, speech, lack of contact, habits, and other actions.
It works a lot better than crying & begging her to not leave you. She has to experience a loss before she will even think about giving her new found lifestyle.
Thank you for this, sandi2.
Do you think it's prudent to give the reason why a change in behavior has happened if the WAW asks? For example, if she asks me:
"What has been going on with you lately? You seem more distant and withdrawn."
She doesn't know that *I* know some things that have transpired with OM. I am thinking some sort of response such as:
"You have engaged in behavior that I said was unacceptable to me, and so I don't care what you do any longer. I have decided that I am going to live my life....and I'm going to do what makes me happy."
Obviously I stole that last part.
Thanks,
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
