Do I use this as a way to innocently ask who he is?
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Or maybe just leave this email open and see if she says anything?
I HIGHLY recommend doing NOTHING! This can do no good...she will see that you are snooping and hide more, get into tatboy more, etc...your W knows you and will see right through this!
Please, Let.It.Be.
He is a symptom, not worth the time in your head. I have been down that road quite a few times, W had many cyber boytoys, 3 to 5 EA's and 2 PAs the past 2-4 years.... the BEST thing to do is DO NOTHING! For your R, for your goal of saving your M, and most of all...FOR YOU!! Just go to bed and try to forget about it. T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Quick clarification, 1 POSSIBLY 2 PAs, and I include the PA in the EA count, and this is mostly based on what she has told me, things she left out in plain sight, etc...Though some I do know (the OM back in 2009/10, for instance) all about for sure.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Main thing CB is that all through phase 2 of my W's mlc, though I knew about the online chat and webcamming, after initial discovery and confrontation before BD, I have said VERY little about it, done a lot of acting "as if" nothing was going on, etc. Even my suspicions about the PA, thankfully, somehow i kept my mouth shut and did not DO anything like shove the evidence panties and camisole in her face...I would not be looking at a growing re-connection and beginning reconcile process now if I did.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Had a good date night last night. At the restaurant 3 hours, had a really nice conversation and I played it very laid back. Really enjoyed the conversation and she had a great time too. Only mistake was that I was super tired by 10 (something to do with not sleeping lately...) and instead of stopping somewhere on the way home, and extending the night, we went home. Ended up going to bed.
This ^^^^^ is good to hear. I don't think extending the night was probably the best thing. Three hours of "nice conversation" seems like plenty for a spouse in MLC! That's a positive thing to look back on.
And I agree with the others. The birthday of tatboy is nothing to worry about. She got you something for your birthday...and yes....you want more emotion in it, but I think it's positive she got you something
Keep your positive changes going! rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
Thank you for pulling me back from the edge. I went to bed pretty upset after I posted. When I crawled into bed, W was close to asleep. I gave her a kiss on the check and she, in 1/2 asleep voice, said "happy birthday", took my hand, and we fell asleep cuddled up. I almost cried from the emotional swing. I woke up at 1 to get a drink and I made sure I didn't leave the FB birthday email open.
This morning we went for a long walk with our dog (IN THE SNOW on APRIL 21, but I digress...), she mentioned how tired she was the night before. I asked her if she remembered me coming to bed and saying happy birthday. She didn't, but she laughed a bit about it, so that was nice.
Thanks again for your thoughts!
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Main thing CB is that all through phase 2 of my W's mlc, though I knew about the online chat and webcamming, after initial discovery and confrontation before BD, I have said VERY little about it, done a lot of acting "as if" nothing was going on, etc. Even my suspicions about the PA, thankfully, somehow i kept my mouth shut and did not DO anything like shove the evidence panties and camisole in her face...I would not be looking at a growing re-connection and beginning reconcile process now if I did.
I am glad i read this. I have just posted on my thread about how I have got myself all wound up about W buying nice things, and looking great. But its not for me anymore. I had to bite my tongue. I'm glad I did. There is a lot of tongue biting going on where OM is involved!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Still struggling to detach and even had a comment yesterday I was "smothering" her, although I think she meant it literally as it was when I went to hug her on her way to bed.
Had a pretty nice day yesterday. Kid's soccer tournament in weather that was way too cold for this time of year. Only downside was she was on her kindle whole way back reading her new "bad-boy" book.
Yesterday afternoon we sat at the island in the kitchen and she surprised me by suggesting we each have a beer. She has become a fitness fanatic and this felt like the old times. Talked a lot about what has been going on lately. This is tough for me because I am doing my best to validate, but she talks constantly about us moving back to Milwaukee. It is a big positive it is about us, but she keeps talking about all these details, but leaves out the impact on the kids and the fact that my job is here and not portable. So, how do you validate without pointing out the huge things like this? I am not always good at that.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Think I screwed up and beating myself up for it. I have a Kindle app on my phone and we share access to the same library. I started reading Fireproof, but she was reading this new bad-boy book, so I started reading it too. I realized this morning that every time she picks up hers to read, she can tell that I am also reading it. I didn't tell her I was and it probably feels stalkerish to her. We are both done with it, any suggestions as to how I should bring this up tonight? I still have to apologize to her for a couple things tonight or tomorrow (the exercise the therapist gave us) think I should bring it up and apologize proactively?
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
In the same token, she is talking about Milwaukee. Let her talk. Unless she moves. Know that there will be some concerns. Look into possible work there on your own, if you consider you would also move. And know that if a decision to move would be made, the kids would have to be worked through it. They should be included in the conversation if it is more sure to happen.
Otherwise... she is just telling you how she feels... right now... that could change, even abruptly...
