You have been given some great advice. T^2 has an MLCer at home and can offer you a window into what that is like. MizJ does as well, but I think it is good to get a perspective from the same genders as some articles suggest that women and men go through MLC a bit differently.
I am no help DBing with someone at home, mine is far, far away.
I also agree with Snodderly. Read what you can on MLC. It will give you a glimpse into what these people are going through. The trick is to balance your compassion for them and protect yourself and your own health at the same time. Because one thing is clear to me: in the way that teenagers just assume that their parents will love them no matter what and consequently put up with a lot, so the MLCer thinks. However, I have not lost sight of the fact that I am dealing with an ADULT whatever their actions. The reading will help with that.
But once you understand what is going on - then shelve the reading and focus on you and your life. She is still in the house and that is good. I obsessively read and read and read. And you know what? I could pin-point all of our mistakes, the craziness, etc. but it makes no difference because at the other end of the see-saw is a human being who is not reacting with any logic or kindness or compassion. Read what you need to understand. Then shelve the rest.
