"Can u text me? If not, when? Or if never about us, please say. I have questions. Do u hate me? U r good to me. Almost always. And feel like we r friends. How much of this is allusion? My life is hard. It [censored] and could might will get worse. I only want a clean break. I know u will excel without me. Yet I feel like the bad guy saying so. Why is this!?!?!?
She's really conflicted and confused. This is NOT the time to go silent on her. She is reaching out to you. She does NOT want you to fix her, but she DOES want you to validate her. You can do this in texts, but even better over the phone and best in person. But don't just go silent on her, this is the perfect time to support her!! Show her a different you, someone who really cares, wants to listen and is sensitive to her feelings! So for example, to the above you might respond with "Sure, I am here for you, if you have questions then feel free to ask. I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this, I understand why it's difficult for you. I would be happy to talk to you about it but would rather talk in person than over text. Maybe we can get together for a discussion when I get home."
The idea with validation is not to fix/ explain/ agree/ disagree/ argue/ justify. It is merely to get her to talk about her emotions and let her know that you value her emotions and consider them important. So as another example:
Quote:
I can not open myself up to u sexually any more. I've moved on from think we work that way and I'm NOT EVER going back there. Way too much hurt.
A good validation would be "I hear you saying that you are hurt, I can tell that it hurts you, I understand why and am sorry you're in so much pain. I don't want you to be hurt like that again."
Quote:
So, I didn't reply.
I think you need to, even if it's just to say you'll talk about it when you get back. Going dark is about not INITIATING contact, it's not about ignoring your spouse when they initiate contact.
