Quote: You two will emerge from all of this more solid than you ever imagined.
You know, Hacker, sometimes I feel like certain little things are stronger. It's a nice change.
No big blowups since the last big blow up. There were some stressful moments over the yard sale. H handled my freaking out pretty well, I thought. I handled his freaking out pretty well. I've been following H's direction to ignore him whenever he orders me to do something or gets critical. This is a hard one, because I don't want him to feel like I don't listen to him at all. So I strive for balance... how often to ignore him... how often to listen. It's not easy.
We're still navigating the treacherous water of how to be partners. He recently told me that I wouldn't support him in a negotiation with a sales person. WTF? Well, he seems to have forgotten that I've sat through two major negotiations with him. The first one I listened to he and the entire sales staff argue for an hour before offering a single suggestion that got H everything that he wanted. In the second negotiation, the salesperson tried to get me to take a side against my H, and I told him point blank that he had to deal with my H, not me. Of course I reminded H of all of this and he said, "Oh."
I don't understand this "Oh" thing that he does so often. I found out that it doesn't mean, "I understand." It usually means, "I'm not going to talk about this anymore."
Back on the issue of partnership, H wants to do all kinds of things for me, but doesn't have time. He thinks I'm being mean when I insist on taking care of some things myself that I know he doesn't have time to do. Meanwhile he's struggling just to get his own world under control and won't accept my help. Well, this is productive. We muddle along, occassionally granting one another permission to help out, so I believe there is hope for us yet.
H is very worried about money right now, which isn't new, but lately he's begun talking about it in a tone similar to someone talking about a pending apocolypse. It was one thing when he was just building horrible worst case scenarios, but now he's researching them. He keeps forgetting that he has me (and other friends) who won't let dire things happen to him. When I point that out he tells me that he doesn't want to be dependent on anyone (duh? Who does?); and we don't know what's going to happen between us. Granted, I'd stop being his best friend if he divorced me, but I wouldn't let ANY of his worst case scenarios happen either. He is extremely resistant to accepting assistance or even cheering up from me. He keeps telling me to take care of my own finances... as though I'm in dire trouble, which I'm not... kind of like "save yourself, I'm lost already." Lots of stinkin' thinkin' if you ask me; and it does NOT help our relationship.
The good news is that he does allow me to rub his feet and scratch his back now, so there's been progress. (That may give away how bad it was before.)
I can tell H thinks we're still "wrong" for eachother. He told me the other day that if it weren't for me, he'd sell everything he owned and start roaming the planet in the spirit of living on the edge, which is the lifestyle he's always loved. Gee, someone should remind me that I didn't ruin his life, because it sure sounds like it when he puts it that way. I asked him why he didn't go out and have his adventures, live off of his retirement and visit his wife from time to time, but he said we wouldn't work out that way. I said, "Okay fine, why don't you go have your adventures and forget me?" He said that I don't understand. Well no reason to argue with that.
Regardless of these things we are working on the R, and I've seen what I call improvement. I always hate to admit that, because Mr. Contrary almost always turns it into another reason why we are doomed to fail. Things are going pretty well in my book. We flirt, we cuddle. He lets me adore him. We talk on the phone and e-mail during the day now (a new one). We miss each other when we're apart. He looks at me like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him. Sex is even making a bit of a comeback... as an activity and a topic of conversation... baby steps here.
We are apart more now. As H has gotten more concerned about money, he has decided to really buckle down and get himself ready for a job hunt. Of course right now he's getting himself ready, to get himself ready and it's all at the expense of spending time with me. I'm not really bent out of shape about it, but I wonder if I should be. Nonetheless, I am being very supportive of this move, and taking the free evenings as an opportunity to get cracking on my house.
I get the feeling I'm being a little too independent for H's preference, but gee... I don't know what to do. He does NOT like my plan to rip out the ceiling in my back bedroom tonight. Of course the best part about not spending the evenings together is that I get to do my home improvement projects without having to hear H fret over it... and he is pleased to enjoy my handiwork when I'm done. I also think I'm not attentive enough when he calls, usually because I'm in the middle of vacuming or watching a movie or ripping down my ceiling, which makes it not a good time to talk. On the other hand, I think I need to work on taking a few minutes out for a decent conversation. Okay, I just had a thought, maybe I should do a make ahead dinner and head over to his place with a surprise supper one night. Of course, I have to get home right away or the dogs will starve, but that gives me an excuse not to be a nuisance to him. Geez, I wish he'd just move home... after I fix the hole in the ceiling... this could be so much easier.
Gee, someone should remind me that I didn't ruin his life, because it sure sounds like it when he puts it that way. I asked him why he didn't go out and have his adventures, live off of his retirement and visit his wife from time to time, but he said we wouldn't work out that way. I said, "Okay fine, why don't you go have your adventures and forget me?" He said that I don't understand. Well no reason to argue with that.
