just reading around - amazed at how many people all of a sudden find themselves in EXACTLY THE SAME place . thinking more now about what they want than about mlcr and what the heck is up with them , etc.
time line? longevity? sticking with it til we're ready to croak and not feeling any "change" or encouragement (necessarily?)
don't know- am amazed at people's stamina and fortitude in the face of this terrible crisis in one's life.
amazed at my own being here still - standing. would never have thought i would or could-
hate it- still saying "you can do it today".
had long phone chat w/h. not "rewarding" - BUT not screaming or recriminations. asked ?? and heard answers w/o insanity(on my part). why? i just seem to NEED TO KNOW exactly what is and was going on so i can make any decisions with full knowledge. just me.
no particular answer arrived at- said my "peice" a bit about our r, (or non-r) possible future (or none) ow - hate fest- etc.
all calmly, reasonably, etc. I AM AMAZED READING A COMMENT by snodderly in someone else's thread - how ON POINT it was and pertinent to me, my life & sitch, h, etc.
it inspires and humbles me allll the time - this forum - the wisdom- the pain - the ability to share & accept some solace - i want to hate computers because honestly- my h & his computer obsession has ruined my life (for the moment anyway- totally)
YET - HERE i am on this forum - my lifeline to sanity & compassion- where would i be without it? i'm sayin- dead in the water
that's all. i'm grateful- i'm so "at sea" in this mlc mess.
i would never have imagined good ole me could ever - or would ever - have found herself in such a confusing quagmire in life and at my age (62) after a long and happy lifetime (it feels) and now this- $hit tornado of a life...
just goes to show ya huh? anything is possible - no kidding.
oh well- going to have a good day or die here. h spent time on phone trying to convince me (& self??) of why he should come back up here wed (he's been gone 3 wks - seen ow in there a bit) ???; that i should stay in his life if for no other reason than finances!?- he'd be a good handyman if i needed something fixed?! - lots of junk that would "benefit me" but not mean anything to him necessarily (as in - he's not sayin he loves me and his stupid life would be empty without me in it (which is what he should be saying) -
me - frustrated & nuts as usual- got some junk out there on the table- i guess it's better than just silence & my imagination- per Dawn's excellent advice - i tried to sanely "unload" a bit -
