Hi Adinva, the only reason I can justify contesting is that we have been separated only one month and I feel like this is way too fast and that he hasn't had a chance to really absorb this?
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
So, your telling him that his feelings that he feels sure about are wrong, will persuade him? usually it doesn't work that way.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I suggest you go back and read Breakdown's advice on separating the legal and emotional parts of your R. If he wants to end the legal connection, you can grant him that, without needing to tell yourself it is over.
I suppose depending on your interactions with him, you could ask him whether he would reconsider conciliation, and let him know you are interested in it. Maybe research it ahead of time, so you could explain what would happen, in case he is suspicious of it. But insisting on it will, as others point out, likely be sending the wrong message. You want to find a way to connect with him, not further the argument.
H: 38 xW: 38 M: 16 T: 18 S: 9 BD: 2/2012 W moved out 4/2012 D: 11/2012
Thanks AZ. I haven't talked to H since 4/17. I went dark. I'm not going to change his mind by contacting him, he can come to me. I see my L today to drop off the papers so they can respond within 20 days. Also dropping off some financials they requested. I'm going to drag my feet with this and still consider conciliation. I see my C tomorrow, will see what she says before I do anything.
Me 29 H 28 M 9 T 11 No kids 2 dogs H moved in with parents 3/21/13 H wants a D 4/2/13 D Filed 4/5/13 Served 4/17/13
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Going dark and not trying to change his mind are good first steps. Please remember you have no control in this and the if you contest and have your lawyers drag their feet you will rack up lawyer bills that may saddle you in the future.....
HE believes that he has made his mind up. Whatever he says to you he may say to "soften the blow". He filed. Whatever comes out of his mouth is blah blah blah.
At THIS point its all about YOU! I dont know the timelines in your area but its 6-8 months before a mediator up here. Let him do his thing but you need to get "Your thing" going. You work- how are your financials? what can you do to put yourself in the best position? Do you own a home or rent? I know in my situation im already trying to change my mindset from "our home" to "the house" and referring to My Daughter and I only as "My family"
Its heartbreaking in the beginning- but It gets easier
IN NO WAY HAVE I GIVEN UP
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
