It doesn't sound like she has reached out to you yet. Pushing for more and pursuing will not force her to step up and do something. You'll be pulling all the weight. Keep doing what your doing.
One small change I made in myself was to focus on the positives. Look for the small things that are good and working. I am separated from my W but we alternate weeks at our house so the kids don't have to change. When it is my week, I notice that the house is clean and tidy. I also notice how pretty my W is and the nice new clothes she has. Occasionally, I even go so far as to tell her how hard she works on keeping the house clean and working to be beautiful. It does take alot of work when she feels like a single mom. Be happy with what you have instead of unhappy about what you don't. And whatever you do, don't expect anything in return for compliments. I don't get "Thank Yous". Believe me, she hears you though.
I know this seems like nothing, but it just feels like something if that makes any sense.
She also phones me now if she needs to discuss anything regarding our son. Not massive i know, but before it was only ever text or email.
Originally Posted By: Intact
So W seems a little better around me now
Originally Posted By: Intact
Wanted to ask, do I continue on the path I'm on or do I now do something to try and push it on a little more
Why do you want to change something that you feel is improving things? Consistent behavior over a LONG period of time is only thing that will change a WAW's outlook...
The card from S the other day is awesome!!! I love getting those type of things from my kids. Try to think in the positive about how you're such a great dad and role model for him rather than be angry at W. That anger will only serve the negative side of things and isn't beneficial at all in this case.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
I'm not sure if what I'm doing is working with regards to reconciliation, but it's certainly better than what it was before...
Just out of interest (and I realise I'm nowhere near there yet) but at what point should you temperature check? Any at all? I'd imagine you just wait for the WAW to initiate R conversation. Correct?
Thank you for the advice everybody - it's as always very much appreciated.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
That's a very good question. I'm looking forward to others response. I would think its different on each scenario. I know for me I will obviously do a temp check on 5/5 when I tell her look forward to seeing MC on 5/7 and I look forward to her joining me. If she says no, I'm not going now. Then the writing will be on wall
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Well W is now being very cold and a little bit off with me.
Trying not to mind read but the only reason I can think why she has shifted her attitude is because I went away for the weekend. Perhaps I'm not meant to move on or have a life after all.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Just out of interest (and I realise I'm nowhere near there yet) but at what point should you temperature check? Any at all? I'd imagine you just wait for the WAW to initiate R conversation. Correct?
All I can say is I've done it a few times in my sitch and the answer was never what I wanted to hear. At first it was "I don't know what I want" and "I'm still very confused." The last time I asked I finally got "I'm ready to move on" to which I asked if she meant D and she said yes. The DB'ing advice is to never temp check. But I think pretty much every LBS does it at some point, it's hard to resist. Do it if you must, but be ready to hear what you don't want to hear. If the WAS ever wants to reconcile they'll let the LBS know, there's really no good reason to temp check.
Just out of interest (and I realise I'm nowhere near there yet) but at what point should you temperature check? Any at all? I'd imagine you just wait for the WAW to initiate R conversation. Correct?
All I can say is I've done it a few times in my sitch and the answer was never what I wanted to hear. At first it was "I don't know what I want" and "I'm still very confused." The last time I asked I finally got "I'm ready to move on" to which I asked if she meant D and she said yes. The DB'ing advice is to never temp check. But I think pretty much every LBS does it at some point, it's hard to resist. Do it if you must, but be ready to hear what you don't want to hear. If the WAS ever wants to reconcile they'll let the LBS know, there's really no good reason to temp check.
I think you're right. The only thing I'd say about that is I feel that even if my W wanted to reconcile (no sign of it) I'm not sure she would have the courage to admit it.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
