Well, I made it to page 4. I know it's a strange personal goal, but I suppose I have to have some reason to keep checking on my thread. I was going to go for page 5, but PMA tanked this morning. For the very first time ever, I'm home from work because I can't stop crying.
I'm considering throwing in the towel, which is probably not going to happen or I wouldn't be back here posting. Nonetheless, I'm really tired of this limbo. I'm tired of my H's uncommunicativeness. It's starting to feel like the bad old days around here. H comes over in the evening, picks on me a little, turns on the television and sits in silence for the rest of the night. Last night he sat on the computer for three hours, while I worked in the kitchen and watched television by myself. Got up this morning feeling really antsy, H didn't want to talk. He had a good excuse not to talk, but he always has a good excuse. I don't like this dynamic and I think I'd rather he weren't around if this is how things are going to be.
I feel as though I'm just waiting for him to walk out on me again. I don't think he's committed to the R. Frankly, if we were dating and it was like this, I wouldn't bother. Well, we're married, for better or worse. I know I won't leave him, because I'm way too Catholic for that, but I wish he would make up his mind one way or the other. I wonder though if he decided to commit, if I'd even believe him. I believed him when he took a vow to me, and that didn't last for very long.
