[RealityTrip]

Hi InIt. I just caught up on your sitch. You are one tough & patient cookie. Travelling S's while DB'ing can be difficult. Mine is a traveller too. (we are now S) Your head just fills up with all sorts of mind movies and worries. It's tough, I know, but when your H walks back in the door... act "As if, As if, As if!"

And congratualtions on expecting! Circumstances aside, what a blessing.

Hang in there!

[willbwell]

My H travels too. He will be in the city where ow is this week. What kills me is he will text D like all is well in the world-his world I guess, not mine. It comes in waves. Somedays I am so strong and GAL, moving on, doing me and the kids, other days I am consumed!

[in_it]

Thanks RealityTrip! All encouragement helps.

I typically can do really well with the "as if". It's the first day or so back that's hard. You're right about the mind movies, man they stink.

I think what's making it harder for me this time is because he said he wanted me to give him time. He's never said that before. Of course, I immediately start mind reading…does he mean it? Is he saying that so I'll just leave him alone & he can have some peace? If that's the case, then I really don't understand because I don't question, talk, etc about anything anyhow. The last time I pressured him for answers was in the first week of January.

Ugh, I can tell already tonight is going to be uncomfortable. I can't stop my mind today for some reason & it barely even time for lunch!

[RealityTrip]

(((InIt))) It's really hard when you know they are with the OP. It seems so unatural for us to give them space because they are our S, but that's exactly what we need to do. Sometimes "give me time" is just that. Don't burden yourself with trying to figure out hidden truths... Everytime I try... I just invent something far worse than reality anyway.

As for tonight...You can so do this! You've already been doing it. You can't control where he's been or who he's been with but you can control how you react.

There's an ecplise coming this week and everybody is nuts! I've been telling myself to keep my head down and don't look anyone in the eye! It makes me laugh at my own emotions.

[azguy]

Thanks Adinva. It's so hard. When I do this he immediately starts asking me what's wrong. Duh, want do you mean what's wrong?

This implies to me some codependency in your relationship. All the more reason to practice detachment. Maybe learning more about these type of interactions would help?

[in_it]

Hey azguy! You are probably right on the codependacy. Also, I think (not to toot my own horn) I've done really well with just going with the flow & acting as if. I'm not very good at pulling back really.

So, I'm afraid of how I will be since be has specifically asked for time. I can see myself not engaging in any activity/conversation & trying to pull away to give him time & he is going ask what's wrong.

[in_it]

Thanks for the encouragement RealityTrip. I can do it!

[uRworthy]

Hey In, you are doing wonderfully.

As far as bringing up the pregnancy. I wouldnt. He knows your pregnant. Bringing it up is pressure to them.

How to act - think of him as a neighbor. Be friendly and light and just go about your day, ya know?

You can do this.

[in_it]

Yes I can! I've got a great PMA right now & I'm not going to let it go.

So far so good. When we got home I made dinner for the girls & H was on the phone for work. When he got off we said our hello's. I changed clothes & now am off to the gym. H is taking the girls to gymnastics & I'll beat them home.

Keeping my mind right for when the girls to bed.

[uRworthy]

Attagirl, In! You got this, sweetie.