[in_it]

Thanks to all! The encouragement helps tremendously.

I replied with a simple "Ok. I can continue to give you time. You know what I want & I'm willing to give that to you if that's what you feel you need." He replied back with "I'm working on fixing my problems.... I need time and I think I'm getting what I need". I just said ok.

Urworthy, I know when he is going to see her because he is traveling to his corp office for work…where she is. I can give him time & space. I've been really good at not talking about us, them, our situation. I'm strong in that area. I don't bring it up, ever. I think that's why I was so taken back when I recieved that text today.

I feel like he sees my patience & me giving him space. I'm pretty good at keeping all this in my head, that's probably why I come here to vent & let out my thoughts so often. I AM a strong woman & will continue to be so for myself, daughters, & now baby.

About my daughters-what about when they ask if they can call their dad if he hasn't called? Should I let them? When he doesn't answer it hurts their feelings, & then I get upset.

[uRworthy]

Keep coming here to vent.

He's thinking and processing. Keep leaving him to it.

As for your daughters, I think I would just explain that daddy's working really hard and he loves them and he's busy and will call when he can.

In the future, if you get a text like that, keep is simple. Ok, I can give you time." And that's it. I know it seems nitpicky but saying know what I want is also pressure.

You are doing great and I can see what a strong woman you are.

[in_it]

Just updating from the weekend…
Took the girls to dinner, a movie, a play date with other friends (I GALd during their play date), surprised them by meeting my parents, brother & SIL for lunch.

H called Thursday night when he landed to talk to the girls. We text back & forth a few times on Friday. Nothing big, just chit chat. H did call for a few minutes Friday night when the girls were already in bed. I was surprised. We really only talked about D7 soccer game.

Saturday I got some quotes on new tires for my SUV & relayed them to H by text. We text back & forth for a bit about that, then he asked about D5 soccer game & I just replied that she won. He asked if she scored any goals & I said 2. He asked if they played a good team & I said a decent one. Then H said-ok bye. This is where I backslid. I asked him what that was for? He said I was being short. So I replied with I didn't want to bother him & was trying to give him time & space like he requested, but I didn't want him to shut me out either. He said he wasn't mad or shutting me out. Of course I should've dropped it right there, but I had to push it & said that's what it feels like. Then, I told H about how I had told the girls I had a surprise for them & would tell them after the soccer game (it was the play date). When we got in the car after the game & I told them what it was D7 said-oh man, I thought you were going to tell us dad was coming home early & had been really excited. He replied with I'm sorry & I said it's ok, just hard & it hurts.

Later Saturday night he text me about some random stock prices & refinancing the house. I kept it casual. He also text me when he was going to bed to say goodnight.

I sent H a pic of the girls early this morning about 7:30 before church. I didn't hear anything from him until about 15 min after bedtime for the girls. D7 was still awake in her bed & I woke D5 so they could speak to him. We spoke for a few minutes & he said he hadn't done anything all day long.

I'll post the rest of my convo & feelings shortly. I've got some laundry to fold & this post is getting long anyhow. Plus, I think I need some time to gather my emotions.

[in_it]

The rest…continuum with my backslide from Saturday I asked H if he didn't do anything all day why would he wait until after bedtime to call the girls. He replied with he was busy doing stuff. I didn't say a word. What I wanted to ask him was 'like OWs daughters bday party?'

When he is telling me lies about what it is he's doing does he really think I'm buying it? Does he think I'm that naive & gullible? I know I shouldn't call him out, and won't. But I often wonder if there is ever any benefit to letting him know I'm not stupid and just ask him to stop lying?

[uRworthy]

Hi sweetie, I know this is tough.

I know you see where the backslides dont move you forward and actually move the situation back.

But, you need to just start fresh tommorrow.

As far as your h, I think deep down he knows your not buying it. But it doesnt serve him right now to accept that.

As far as whether it would benefit you to ask him to stop lying.

It depends on what your expectation would be if you do. And what you think it would accomplish.

I'm thinking that it might not go the way you hope. He asked you for time and space. Give it to him. That includes letting him work through all this.

And as the saying goes, dont ask a question you might not be ready to hear the answer to.

You are doing great. New day tomorrow, right?

[in_it]

You're right, new day tomorrow. Thanks uRworthy. I think I just needed someone to say it to me.

You're right on when stating not asking something you're not ready to hear the answer to. I'm certain that's held me back several times, if not daily. Especially if it's not something that H wants to discuss, I know he's not going to answer.

H is back tomorrow for the week. I'm a little nervous. Should I pull back since he's asked for time? Or treat it like all other days when he is home? I really think when he said that he was meaning patience while he is gone? Not sure though.

Also, there's still the huge elephant in the room of me being pregnant. I almost hope he doesn't mention it again until after his next 2 trips. I don't know how to really talk about it right now without getting upset. I'm thinking the longer he doesn't mention it may be better for me. Longer for it to soak in for him. If he really felt the way about not going to have anything to do with this child, I know without a doubt he would still be asking me to terminate & I don't think he would've sent the text he did asking for time.

[azguy]

I've been following several stories on this forum the past weeks, in_it, and I just want to say that I truly admire your ability to deal with your situation. Yes, you backslid. It was good you recognized it. He also gave you a challenging situation by asking for time and space, and then pursuing you a bit, with the questions about D.

[in_it]

Thanks azguy. I appreciate you stopping by. I hadn't looked at it that way, you make a good point.

Trying to get my head right for the week. I have a real uneasy feeling & don't really know what to expect? I almost wish he was going to be gone this week too. Having him home for a week before leaving again is really doing something to me. I don't know if I should even try to engage conversation with H or not talk to him?

[adinva]

give space, be busy, go do something, don't engage, wait and be patient.

[in_it]

Thanks Adinva. It's so hard. When I do this he immediately starts asking me what's wrong. Duh, want do you mean what's wrong?