Apparently, Wife was busy the day before wandering around the property sharing our situation. Word travels fast around campfires! I really don't wish to have condolences from people who are barely aquintances of mine...customers actually.
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I also have to see her whenever I would like to spend time at my business. It is not that I don't like looking at W, but to be honest, when I am working and trying to be confident in myself I don't like looking at my STBXW hanging around!
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She is just too much of an integral part of my daily life. It is like a constant reminder, a slap in the face, that she decided to leave me....but she never leaves.
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It is too much for me anymore. I am tired of the damage it is doing to my daughter. I am tired of W not following through with her decision to move on. I am just TIRED.
So sorry to hear you're struggling this much! I've got to say though, it sounds like you could use a heavy dose of detachment. If you're detached, things your wife says or does won't impact your emotions. Being around her won't affect you like this. The very fact that she's having such a huge impact on you makes me think that if and when she does leave, you're going to crash hard. I'm sure you've seen this blurb from Peanut on detachment, but it's worth reading again:
"Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done.
Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to those actions that will undermine our very best chances of accomplishing our goals.
We cannot control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’
It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I cannot control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
