How is "going back to your apartment" going to help you on your journey? There are lots of ways to get confidence back, is this really the best way to do it? Did it help YOU work through your stuff?
Do you consider yourself still M'd?
What do your vows mean to you right now?
How do 2 wrongs make a right?
I just want you to think through this stuff. If you are really UNSURE if you want your W back then this is not going to help. You need to figure it out one way or the other. Seems to me like a lot of excuses for a one night stand.
I've read so many of the old sitches where people have went this route and guess what, it burned almost each and every one of them and caused more hurt.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
C, you said she went back to your apartment. I'm just trying to keep it real.
You can do whatever you want. I just think that if you wanted a relationship with your wife in the future, adding you being with someone at this point is not really going to help, ya know?
Take care.
I agree Urworthy. Although it was nice to have that attention for the moment it is not what I want long term. I really do want things to work out with W. I guess it is me just losing hope that she will change and want to work on herself and this marriage. I do realize it would complicate things much as her being with an OM does. That's why I am not going to pursue anything further at this moment.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
How is "going back to your apartment" going to help you on your journey? There are lots of ways to get confidence back, is this really the best way to do it? Did it help YOU work through your stuff?
Do you consider yourself still M'd?
What do your vows mean to you right now?
How do 2 wrongs make a right?
I just want you to think through this stuff. If you are really UNSURE if you want your W back then this is not going to help. You need to figure it out one way or the other. Seems to me like a lot of excuses for a one night stand.
I've read so many of the old sitches where people have went this route and guess what, it burned almost each and every one of them and caused more hurt.
Spartan, I have been thinking this through this weekend. 2 wrongs certainly don't make a right. I don't consider my wife and I do be in a "committed relationship" at this point, but your right it still goes against our vows. I don't consider myself to be married right now unfortunately though and haven't felt that way in a year or so. My wife and I were living two separate lives under one roof. I will have a clearer mind on these things from now on, but I refuse to also just sit here in limbo land while she continues to see OM. I'm not going to jut wait on her to see if that works or not. Which seems very much like what she is doing right now. I guess time will tell
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
cbtdad, For me I need to fix ME before I even think about another relationship be it my W or another, just saying. Just wish there was a new me magic pill...
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I would buy that pill in a heartbeat and I would invest in the company that makes it. Lol Yeah, I am continuing to work on me. I have been since November and I feel like I've definitely made some positive steps. But I'm not where I wanna be. Tim Mcgraws new song hits home with me big time right now.
"I ain't no angel I still got a few more dances with the devil I’m cleaning up my act little by little I’m getting there I can finally stand the man in the mirror I see I ain’t as good as I’m gonna get But I’m better than I used to be"
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
I have found "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz that hits home with me right now.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Ok. So I just dropped S off to W. I asked her a very simple question. I asked what time she would be back from horse show so I know whether or not to get son from babysitter. Son has art show at school so I'm trying to plan ahead. She snapped back an said I don't know. I just said please let me know when you might have an idea as I'm trying to plan for sons art show tomorrow and then I left. I had to get out of there. I feel anger and bitterness around my W now. I'm trying my best to stay clear so I don't say something I shouldn't, but its so dang hard.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Just had the following text exchnge with W. Did I handle this ok? WC = babysitter
Me: All I'm asking you is to give me an idea so I can plan whether i need to get him from WC or not tomorrow.
Me: Also, his last day of school is at noon on may 17th. So now we have to figure that out around your surgery as well
W: Ok I'm not able to answer your question. I'll get back ASAP Tomororw
Me: I understand you might not be able to answer it right now. I was asking for an idea. 4? 5? 6? Then I figured you would let me know tomorrow when you where leaving Show. That's all
W: Lets say 5 and ill let you know
Me: Thank you. Fair enough. Now depending on my day I'll have an idea whether or not to get son from WC
Me: btw, Put WC on alert for 5/17 as well
W: Ok but can you focus on what needs to be done now. I'm not mad or blaming you but this is really stressing me out and making me not want to go
Me: Huh? Not wanting to go where
W: to the show
Me: Wife, you need to do this show. You have been preparing for this show for a while. I certainly do not want to add any stress to your plate. It's just that this show is 2 weeks and then next thing you know you have this surgery. I'm jut trying to line up my end of things that's all. If there is something I can do to help you, within reason, let me know
W: I understand. I'm just freaking out and I'm not enjoying it.
W: Nothing seems to get done with anything unless I'm on top of it and I feel like I'm letting everything fail
W: House, Son, show. Everything
Me: You are not letting everything fail. I can understand with everything going on why you would feel that way. I'm trying to help you where I can. That's why I'm asking the things I do.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
Cbt, not sure how much I can help here because I can see how this text would stress you. It would stress me because our W need help and they dont necessarily want our help. That is part of my problem is that I am a fixer and I would so much want to offer solutions. It's good that you didn't offer solutions. Interesting though that she said she is thinking about not going since your thought is that she really wants to go to see OM. Now I am over thinking and mind reading for other people. My name is Grizz and I have a problem.
Where is AnotherStander? He is the king of validation.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
I hear you Grizz. I am a fixer and a talker. And neither help right now. That's really tough. As she sent a couple of texts I almost wanted to go over there and hug her. This is a problem to me. Something that she has such a passion for it seems like an she says. Yet stresses her out so much. She will even take a Xanax before these shows to settle down. To me if you have a passion for something or that excited about something it shouldn't stress you out to that point. Today starts the period from now till next Sunday where she will be around OM daily. I need to just keep PMA and keep busy.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
