Accuray, I understand that it was my W choice to seek OM. At this point, she has only admitted that she likes the way OM makes her feel (EA). She has denied PA. To tell you the truth, we only ever talked about it once (at our last and final counseling session on 2/28). This was also the day our separation began.
She could be lying (or not). I am expecting the worst. At any rate, I am trying to not let her hurt me anymore. I will deal with my sins. I am trying to leave her sins between her and God. I am trying to live by the phrase "All have fallen short of the glory of God." In this respect, I cannot judge others because I have sinned. The flip side is that I do not have to feel inferior because everyone else has sinned too.
To tell the truth, we are at a very difficult stage right now. Last weekend, she invited me to hang out with her and the kids. For several weeks prior to that, she was only willing to talk about finances or the kids. It was a wonderful development to be a family for a few days. Last Tuesday, I called common friends to see if they wanted to hang out Saturday night. I thought it would be fun to have them over, but it would also be an opportunity to for W to join us if she liked. I texted W next day to see if she was busy Saturday. Friends also called W to tell her that I asked them to hang out. W got mad and said that I should stay away from her friends. She felt I was forcing her to hang out. Now we are back to conversations about finances and kids (barely).
I am trying to be as dim (yet polite and friendly) as possible. I believe I was impatient and probably wanted more than was given. I feel I need to be patient and wait for her to come to me. I also need to be content with what I have when those opportunities arise. And yes, it is kind of crummy and selfish for W to claim that I shouldn't talk to common friends. I don't think it is a fight worth having. It won't make things better with R.
I am working on being attractive. I lost 80 lbs since last May and started workout videos 3 weeks ago. I want to look ripped. I'm doing a good job of being happy all the time (when W is around) and having fun with the kids. I feel I've apologized enough for the past. I'm open to saying sorry if I screw up for something now. I haven't felt the need to say it in a few weeks. I'm GALing and moving my life forward (with or without her).
I would listen and validate how she feels, but she isn't really saying how she feels right now. She was packing for her week away from the house today. I saw she was crying and upset. I asked her if everything was all right. All I got back was dead silence. I moved on. I went outside and grilled my lunch. I figured she'd talk to me when she was ready. Might be awhile unfortunately.
I feel like I'm at the point in the R where I am waiting for the next opportunity like last weekend. In the meantime, I am focusing on GAL.
I like your insight. I'm sure it will come in handy.
