Good morning all. Wish I could report all is well between H and I. It's just okay. Big argument came out of a misunderstanding on Friday night. By the time we got it all sorted out I was frustrated that we even had to have these stupid arguments. Maybe it's the kind of thing all couples have misunderstandings about, but it's just one more straw on the camel's back as far as I'm concerned.
When things calmed down; and I offered a truce. He threw it right back in my face. I made myself vulnerable; and he gave me a cold response. H to self: "Let's just make absolutely sure that H feels guilty and z feels hurt." He was determined not to bury the hatchet before bedtime. He had a horrible night's sleep. Good. He did manage to say something smart in the morning to close the issue.
We had a few, bouts of bickering over stupid stuff during the weekend. Considering that we spent almost the 14 hours shopping and five hours on household projects, maybe it's not so surprising that we went a few rounds. On the whole H seemed to be in a poor mood. Not so much the brooding bad mood I'm used to. He just got himself worked up over little things and wasn't using his "I feel" statements. He was the king of the categorical accusation during every little argument. Once, he wanted to know what he would get when it turned out that he was right and I was wrong. I said that he could have smug self-satisfaction. Doesn't sound like much of a prize to win when you think about it.
He (like me) is feeling discouraged by all of the bickering, but I really think he needs some time off. He's got a lot of irons in the fire. I think he's sacrificing time on his projects to be with me. That's nice, but not if he's going to be stressed out all the time.
That's all the bad news on the upfront, but it wasn't too bad of a weekend. I sent him an e-card and called him today to check on him. He's still stressed. He did send me a sweet e-card saying he was thinking about me, SWL.
Which leads me to the Suburban Slam that happened this weekend between H and BIL. They had a huge argument. I only got involved when BIL was on the verge of losing control, but H read my conciliatory tone to be sympathy with BIL. Whatever.
Basically, BIL is a neurotic jerk, who is planning some very inconsiderate behavior during his upcoming visit to their parents. He has deluded himself; and H was delivering some unwanted reality in his most confrontational way. Soon it became very clear that my H had made his point; and it had been soundly rejected. Heck, BIL was yelling and storming around like the house was on fire.
When we got to the car, H started spewing at me. I told him that I thought he was right. He called me on not supporting him. I told him that he was right, I probably should have said something in support. I just thought he had the issue under control until the point his B got out of control.
H spent the next hour rehashing the whole argument and the concerns he had about BIL's trip from the beginning. He's sure that the worst is going to happen. He's determined that if something does happen, he will never forgive his B or himself. He says he doesn't care about his R with his B, but I know he'll steep in guilt for the rest of his life if he cuts off that R. Glory be!
I validated as much as I could, but I also kept trying to tell H that he is not responsible for his parents. He is not responsible for his B's actions. He can't control any of them. He needs to let go of things he can't control. He shouldn't let his B get to him when he acts like the jerk, we already know he is. Don't know that I made much of an impression, but H did calm down after a while. Sheesh, I hope no one dies.
