Had an interesting, if hair raising, e-mail exchange with H. I hate disagreeing with someone via e-mail. We're having friends over for Chinese food tomorrow night. My girlfriend was going to pick up dinner and bring it over. When we added another couple, I called her about it. She was clearly a little anxious about the change, but rolled with it. She asked if I could call in my order and that of the other couple, seperately so she wouldn't have to worry about getting it wrong. A little more complicated, but a small price to pay for having her pick up the food.
So, I e-mailed H explaining the change, and mentioning that she wasn't comfortable being responsible for getting the order straight. He e-mailed me back in a rather sharp tone (not sure if he meant it that way) that if she couldn't take responsibility, we'd just do the whole thing ourselves and he'd pick up the food. He launched a short volley of faults against our plan.
First I was a little put off that he felt like he had to step in and take charge. (This would be a typical occurrence in the old-R.) Second, I didn't feel like renegotiating the plan and getting her order. Third, I was afraid that she would get really frustrated at yet another change. Fourth, calling her back to change it would be like him showing me up in front of my friends. "Look, z, can't even make simple decisions without her H around to tell her what to do." I wasn't mad, but I was bummed out by his response.
I decided to set asid points 2, 3, and 4 as minor issues. I felt I really needed to deal with the first point, in a good way. It occurred to me that H already had a job, which involved being at home to let people in if they arrived early. I also remembered that H really likes to feel like he's being useful. Maybe he was just trying to help?
So I wrote him back, saying I'd rather leave things the way that we had it, explaining why I trusted my friend to get it done in a timely manner, and reinforcing that I could really use his help in being home to greet our guests before I get there. I thought it was pretty good, but you never know.
The response I got back was. "Okay. Want to go to lunch?" Whew!
