Perhaps he NEVER made a decision and they had to be made thus putting that onto your shoulders. Eventually becoming a pattern and way of life for you two. Perhaps cows can fart hard enough to project them into orbit . Controlling behavior is more like a codependent thing, learn to allow others their rights to fail or succeed, just be there for them. Expectations!!! we want things to turn out a certain way so we control.
You know, I was thinking about what you said above and it does make sense. I am not seeking absolution for my behaviour, but how very nice to be able to blame anything that did not turn out right on someone else. Pema Chodron actually speaks on that topic and I was just reading about it today. It is easy to blame and not take any responsibility. I begin to realize the depth of bitterness and anger that H would have had. If I constantly thought it was somebody else's fault all the time, I wouldn't like them very much either.
Of course, I wouldn't like me as well, because I would have never stood for the things I believed in at all.
