I guess in one way or another I have said this already. W had asked why I doing things that I have not done before and answered something along those lines. Maybe it's been said and I am best leaving it.
Especially today, I must have 666 branding into my forehead. She is not a happy person, yo-yoing between critical, moody, and pushing the S talks.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
For them, it is not a crises, it is an awakening, and they feel like they are finally on the correct path. Everything in their past means nothing to them, including us. We only remind them of their life they see as a failure.
When we understand this it helps us to be compassionate towards them, and not take their rejection of us so personally. It really is about them, not us.
Its actually about the 5th time i have read this, and it does go hand in hand with what my W said to me when BD came. That several months before she had a breakdown, and an epiphany. A wake up call. So i guess an awakening.
My W returned from visiting a friend, and the moment she came back into the house I knew something was wrong. She was fine with the kids, but very cold to me and would not look me in the face. Since that day we have not ML, she came to bed hours after me, her answers and text messages were simple one words, she had no interest in anything at all. A few times I asked during this period, if she still loved me, she said 'I just need some space'. I asked several times similar questions, and got very vague answers.
Strange thing is after BD she had the cheek to say - 'you never even noticed anything was wrong!' and 'I told you i needed space to think' WTF@!!
I often wondered whether the trip away just before she came back as an alien, was time spent with OM. But I don't know any more I really do believe that his was a snapping point for her, because up until then life was absolutely normal. (well as normal as life has been for us over the past few years)
I have been doing a lot of thinking back about how different things were just 5 months ago, and how quickly life went very downhill, to the point where now I see no way back to happiness with my W.
The only thing i can not get past at the moment is my worry for the kids. W keeps saying they will be fine, it won't effect them, they will be more loved. All I know is that when i was young I knew my parents were always there for me and can't imagine how life would have been if they were divorced or with other partners.
Anyway, this has turned into a bit of a rant. Sundays are hard. Its the end of a weekend of W's comments, and even though I am weathering them better these day, i'm not 100% there yet!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
So, you can tell I am having a bad day because I am not detached at all today. I keep thinking about how my W is physically becoming the W i always hoped she would be. Over the past 10 years with the baby weight etc, she has been overweight and dressed to hide it. Now she is loosing all the weight, looking slim, she is buying and wearing clothes that she should always have worn - but never did. Why now! Why when she has decided our marriage is over does she become amazing looking! I know it sounds horrid, its not that i did not find her attractive before, and no matter what I have always loved her the same way, but its not helping any with how painful this is.
I must admit I had to leave the room as she was looking at clothes, and some of them were shoes that she would have just previously said ' i can't wear heals like that'. So is this OM going to get the confident, sexy dressed W, that I dreamt she would always have the confidence to be. Is she shopping for her trip away and meeting him not her friend.
I had to stop myself saying anything, and also my mind went back to begging mode for a few seconds.
Problem is she is also being very nice now compared to earlier. Very polite and friendly. If it wasn't for us being in different rooms I would say we were back to normal (i think i've posted all this before - must start that journal again!)
When do you get to the point where you have DB'd too well, maybe become too emotionally switched off so that W believes all is fine, you are taking it very well, so she will get on with it and assume its all turned out fine for everyone.? Thats a little how i feel right now. As if we are divorced and life has moved on.
Not having a good day today! I feel desperate, I feel like i need something to change soon, but i know even if it is - its not going to happen soon.
Sorry just need to tell someone!!!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
There will be better days, hang in there. If its any consolation, my H had lost about 40 pounds 6 months ago, and has now gained about 15 of that back. I asked on my thread about this, and Snodderly says the loss/gain is quite typical ~ so perversely you may not have to worry about the the slimmer version of your W going on the market?
What are you doing to GAL? If you know the weekends are the harder days for you it may help for you to make some plans, keep yourself busy.
Quote:
to the point where now I see no way back to happiness with my W.
Focus on seeing your way "forward", to happiness with 2.4... and maybe with the W, maybe not with the W.
Dig deep 2.4, now is the time for you
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Thanks WFM - it got late after I posted that and realised I had to clear my brain before I tried to get some sleep so turned off the computer and found something else to so! I have a feeling the next few weeks are going to be tough as time ticks towards W's trip. So I will be venting, if you can keep listening!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
problem is I am very much beginning to doubt the process. I do worry that I am placing my w in the MLC pigeon hole to make myself give this sitch a reason. I do worry that she really is just right, everything was wrong before and she has been pretending to be somebody she wasn't, and that she will get on with it all and be happy while I am still hanging on to hope like a teenage crush.
I know this is why GAL is so important, but I am beginning to feel the clock ticking for my own life now. Am I going to be single just before my 40th, is the question in my mind all the time, and do I give up now to try and be with some body who loves when the big event comes?
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
It's almost as if my W is reading this and reacting on purpose to wind me up. She wore something before I left this morning that was more daring than she has even worn for 10 years.
I need to walk around the house with my eyes closed I think. Or find start to find unattactive bits to my wife to concentrate on. arhghhhh!
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
