Quote: We were getting ready for bed when he asked me about whether or not I did something in the way that he asks things as though he doubts I've done it and it's clearly a bad thing that I haven't.
I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but burst out laughing when I read that.
The good thing is that you and your H are talking and when these misunderstandings-assumptions-disagreements happen, you talk about them. Yes, it may be difficult right now because it sounds like this type of convo is new territory for you both.
Eventually, though, you will start to "connect" in ways where these will be easier to bear and you will have regained that trust in each other. It will come to a point when these instances are all "small potatoes" and you realize that you both have something much more important in the big picture: each other.
I think your H is trying to work on the M but it may not be at the same pace as you. If he's there, it's because he still believes that things can get better. Try to establish a pace with him that you both feel comfortable with. It does take hard work but it also takes time. Some of the wounds you have may still run deep and you obviously want those to heal quickly. But it is better to have them heal properly by establishing communication boundaries that you are both comfortable with.
You're doing good z. These things are bound to happen where the dynamics of the R are being adjusted. Just take your time. The right formula will eventually come along.
