LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[RealityTrip]

Why is GAL such a struggle? I think I'm doing well at it. Better than I was in my M even. But each time it's a social event (putting myself out there with people) rather than an internal goal like my guitar or continuing my education... it is such a struggle. I just don't want to... ever.

Yesterday a collegue from work invited me to go to the Stawberry Festival with her wife and two kids. Then I was invited to go out with just the moms that night for drinks to a LGBT bar and hear a band. I went. I had a good time, but I fought myself every step of the way. I'm still realy uncomfortable being "RT" and not "RT & W" when I'm around people. It's hard when the community asks where she is or how's your W? I immediately sink into an internal place of shame in those situations.

I keep trying to remind myself that I need to put myself in uncomfortable situations to grow stronger and feel ok in my independance. But my co-dependant self is putting up a hard fight.

I'm also having a hard time with NC yesterday and today. I have a feeling it's going to get harder. With my hormones kicking and the eclipse coming on Thursday I'm overly emotional and irrational. It's going to be a rough week. I'll try to keep my "crazy" to a minimum when I post.