After phone coaching session #2

[labug]

And I wish that MC or I had thought to ask (I may ask next time) H admitted to self-medicating and OW and the really general BAD place he was last summer & since - and THAT'S the mental state that he makes life changing decisions for our entire family in? And after all this time, he's sticking with those decisions?

Drinking is usually a symptom, a way to deal with anxiety, pain, unhappiness. What did you mean when you said above that you wished you or MC had asked?

Most of us make decisions based in emotion, until we learn a better way. While our S's decisions are huge and seem out of proportion, I think they feel that they lived years of water torture with us providing the constant drip, drip, drip of control, anger and hyper-emotion. Somehow they had to make it stop.

Seeing his choice as they only one he had available at the time is helpful, I think. He didn't have the tools you have now and he may gain some of those through counseling. He may learn the he has other choices. He may find demons from the past that have nothing to do with you.

But it's his journey, we can't predict where it will lead him.

I read this great quote yesterday (yes, it was on Fb!). I like being reminded daily of what my work is, what my journey is. It said the quote was from WD (shoutout to Tori)

Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.


This speaks to me because I spent far too many years trying to make my life and therefore the lives of my family, what I thought it should be. It wasn't an evil plan, it wasn't even that I really thought about it at all. I was driven by fear and made decisions based on that emotion. Those decisions were life-changing in an incremental way but were nonetheless must as damaging as the BD seems to be to us.

On another note, did you ever go to AlAnon?