Journaling - The contact continues. Absolutely no contact other than the D for two years. Now it's 3 times in two weeks about life. All initiated by her. One would argue she is moving towards me. I guess time will tell.
It's a little overwhelming.
Although I do not think my x and I are piercing or even moving towards each other in a romantic way - I'd imagine the feelings are similar.
It's hard to be myself..
It's hard to take steps forward...
Not because there is anger... but because I am scared. Finding the balance of when to be loving vs. when to guard my heart has been a challenge.
I ask myself if I am ready. I ask myself why am I bothering to do this.
But to turn my back does not sit well with me. Not just to her, but to anyone.
I dont want to live with that turmoil in my heart
This new development does not stop me from GALing and it is not something that consumes my thoughts.
I've been surprised when she reaches out to me and I do very little to reach out to her. I think I'm still detached.
I very much feel like I am walking in faith here. The only thing I know - is that I want to portray the new me as much as possible. No matter the cost... no matter the fear
I believe I have grown.. I believe I have learned my lesson... but this feels like a test....
... for what I'm not sure of yet.
M(f): 43 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
