Oh, I forgot that H and I had a long, long talk about the trip to Europe. I may have given him the impression that I am all out opposed to it, but I've really decided that I'm not. He'll go if he wants to go. Once I really thought about it, I'm not threatened by it.
What I am concerned about is the family dynamic he'd be walking into. He has this altruistic idea that he's going to make his brother's visit with their parents better.
See, his brother doesn't like to travel, never visits his parents and has some very unrealistic ideas about everything that is going to happen while he's over there. BIL thinks it's going to be like puttering around his house in America, but he'll have no bed to sleep on, no sofa to sit on, no television, no car and a completely different diet. BIL thinks he's going to fix things up around their house. BIL doesn't know that there are no standard hardware fittings, no hardware superstores and no yellow pages in Italy. BIL thinks he's going to get their finances squared away with his father, but his father doesn't know that he doesn't handle the finances, his mother doesn't know what's going on with the finances and his aunt (who does handle the finances) isn't going to talk to him about it. BIL thinks he's going to hang out with his parents, but his parents drive him crazy and he gets nasty with them, which will probably mean his aunt is going to get involved.
H's fear that his father will get so upset he'll have a heart attack is unfounded, but H is absolutely right that he could improve the quality of his B's visit and probably keep everyone from getting into a huge fight. The problem is that when H is around, everyone gripes to him about each other and takes out their frustration on him. He gets the blame for everything. His father gets made at BIL and tells H that he was a worthless kid. Yup, it's that screwed up.
On top of that, H's brother doesn't appreciate anything that H has had to deal with everytime he's gone over to help his parents. BIL always has something more important to do than H and thinks the fact that H lived there for eight years means it's easier for him. Personally, I think that BIL needs a little dose of reality (that he probably still won't comprehend); and H could use a vacation where he isn't the lightening rod for everyone's problems.
H agrees that they'll probably all be down on him, but his presence will still make everything that much better for them. Far be it for me to keep him from showing unconditional love towards his family, but they don't have to deal with the depressed, angry H that's going to come back. Oh well. --z
