Kaffe Diem, I was lazy. I loved my wife. I enjoyed her company and intimacy. I made decisions that I thought were best for the family. I thought life was good...
That's the key..."I"... What about my W? When did I worry about how she was feeling? When she was concered about decisions such as buying a house or car, why did I just write off her concerns as being over cautious? I wasn't her friend. I acted as her boss. She wanted to go on a cruise to reignite the flame about a year ago, but I was concerned about money.
I missed out on the greatest adventure in my life. I should have been working to make my wife the happiest woman alive. That's what I wanted when I first got married. I thought I had all the answers, so I stopped listening to W. W always has a choice to stay or leave. Unfortunately, she felt is was her only choice. I don't blame her. I didn't like the person I was either.
So here I am. I want to be the best me (like you say). I only live once. W might want me (or not) someday. In the end, I have to be happy with what I have. I can't live in the past regretting what I did wrong. I can't live in the future waiting for things to change. I have to live today. It's the only way to be a better me.
You may read my story and say things are bad. I used to think the same thing. I say now that things are good. W has not talked to an attorney or filed for D. I have 3 beautiful kids. I have a stable job. W is working and bringing in money. We are both getting in shape (we're going to be totally sexy this summer in swimwear). I spent most of last weekend with W and kids without argument. I even appreciate that I get see a beautiful woman (W) every time I pick up the kids.
A little while ago, I thought everything that was happening was horrible. Now I see it's forcing me to be a better man. God knows. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me. I hope to look back someday and see this point as the time my eyes opened in order to see my destiny. It's amazing how the best things can come out of the worst situations. Like a trial by fire.
"Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back for good" Philemon 15
I'd like to thank everyone on these forums for sharing their stories and advice. It does help me realize I am not alone.
