As we prepare to sign contracts for a new business venture together, I have been pondering about whether to raise issues about our R. I have swung between leaving it well enough alone or using it as an opportunity to bring up issues that may help bring things into the open. I don't believe its entirely healthy to shove my needs under the rug, even though I have learned to look at things differently and am progressing on healing.
I felt an ache when H said we won't go to dinner tonight, because he had golfing with his buddies later in the week and money would be short this week as he would be taking a few days off. He also mentioned I had a few activities with friends this week too. I replied that whilst I enjoyed those things..I really wanted to spend time with him. I got no response to that. The mood became a little uneasy, but I felt it was an opportunity to go on.
I then said...since we are entering into this contract and we will be tied together financially, I would like you to know that I am not interested in being shoved to the side while you carry on your life keeping me in the background. This job should enable you to have more free time and I want some of that to be spent with me.
He said ..I have had no intention of doing that (meaning no intention of shoving me to the side). I replied..well I never know what your intentions are because you never tell me...every now and then you announce you want a divorce, that's all I know.
He then went on to say.. I was going to get you to help me in the business.
Golly gee...this man just doesn't get it...yeah OK we are going into business together. I want a social life with my H. Ask for what you want remember. OK so maybe the words used weren't great, and it did come out of nowhere, therefore a little unprepared, but that was the end of the conversation.
He went to nail some loose boards on the deck before he went to work. Is he seriously an emotional cripple or is it shame, humility, anger, insecurity, or he simply doesn't care? Maybe some guys out there can shed some light.
