Only because I've been at this a while...in the beginning months after BD, I read everything into anything W said...had me all stirred up and crazy...I eventually learned...
Oh, and this is where keeping a secret journal helps immensely...you start noticing patterns and such, then you read other people's sitches here and in the archives, and you start seeing the script, and start accepting, relaxing and eventually finding humor in their schemes and antics...
Make a great weekend...get on with the GAL! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Hi FY, sorry sometimes I am sure I get a notification about a post and then later when I come back to read them there are more than I saw first time around. So I completely missed your comments yesterday.
Looks like our W are similar in that this could have been triggered by death of a parent.
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I told my wife I understood she was going through a difficult time, and that I would stay out of her way and work on being the best H I could be. I made this last comment ONCE, (remember: actions not words) when she accused me early in the sitch of "not doing anything"... meaning, moving ahead with the D process.
I will consider saying this at some point. I know the response will be 'what's the point we are getting a D, you don't need to be the best H' So maybe a rewording in is order for me.
Me: 38 W: 35 M: 9Yrs T: 15Yrs S8 D5 BD: Feb 13 Still Living Together
I feel like I'm in thick forest, I'm slowly drawing a map of the way out, but not sure yet which side of the forest I will emerge.
Hi FY, sorry sometimes I am sure I get a notification about a post and then later when I come back to read them there are more than I saw first time around. So I completely missed your comments yesterday.
My posts will be late until I'm off moderation.
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Looks like our W are similar in that this could have been triggered by death of a parent.
Yes! Her Mom was bedridden for several years, spent the last year in a nursing home, barely aware of us when we were there. My wife was there when Mom took her final breath. Everything changed quickly after that.
For them, it is not a crises, it is an awakening, and they feel like they are finally on the correct path. Everything in their past means nothing to them, including us. We only remind them of their life they see as a failure.
When we understand this it helps us to be compassionate towards them, and not take their rejection of us so personally. It really is about them, not us.
This is the greatest pain that you and I have likely faced in our life, but know that theirs is even worse!
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I know the response will be 'what's the point we are getting a D, you don't need to be the best H' So maybe a rewording in is order for me.
It doesn’t matter what they say. My wife said this and plenty of other horrible stuff, yet she’s still here. Choose your course and stay on it.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
For them, it is not a crises, it is an awakening, and they feel like they are finally on the correct path. Everything in their past means nothing to them, including us. We only remind them of their life they see as a failure.
When we understand this it helps us to be compassionate towards them, and not take their rejection of us so personally. It really is about them, not us.
This is the greatest pain that you and I have likely faced in our life, but know that theirs is even worse!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
For them, it is not a crises, it is an awakening, and they feel like they are finally on the correct path. Everything in their past means nothing to them, including us. We only remind them of their life they see as a failure.
When we understand this it helps us to be compassionate towards them, and not take their rejection of us so personally. It really is about them, not us.
This is the greatest pain that you and I have likely faced in our life, but know that theirs is even worse
! I am stealing this to post on my thread. Thanks FY!! (And what have I missed? Why are you on moderation?)
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I know the response will be 'what's the point we are getting a D, you don't need to be the best H' So maybe a rewording in is order for me.
2.4, maybe just tell her that its so you can be the best "man" you can be?
Cheers!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
