Well it's off to the counselor today. H is still planning on going, but I can't say that I'm looking forward to it. H has a history of obfuscating with C's; and he can be very manipulative. I'm sure it's some protective instinct for him, but it's not helpful in a particularly hurtful kind of way.
H and I had another argument about something stupid this weekend. It was one of those where he started out not getting all the info and using an accusing tone. I took offense. He accused me of being overly sensitive. I was even more offended. He was even more manipulative. I acted like a jack@$$. It finally comes to light that the item in question had fallen off the shelf I had stored it on -- meaning I thought it was in the right place; he found it in the wrong place. He walked off to brood about it, because I was still wrong.
That made me fume even more. I'll be d@mned if I'm going to let him jump to conclusions and speak to me that way, then walk away for a good self-righteous brood until the matter is dropped without any kind of truce between us. That's the old M and I won't have it back. I went after him again. Told him he had a lot of nerve to talk to me that way; and I was so mad I didn't even want to look at him. No response, so I walked off, completely furious.
I was wondering what I was going to do, because he showed every sign of ignoring the argument until it went away. Then he walked into the kitchen and put his arms around me. I glowered and shook my fist at him. He shook his fist at me. We hugged and laughed about it. Heck, I really don't expect a resolution, but a truce is just fine.
I think my H and I may have finally found a truce sign. He shook his fist at me (while trying to supress a smile) during a spat last week, and it cracked me up. I tried it in another argument and it cracked him up. I think this is a good thing. Four years with no truces, makes one wonder how we got this far.
I had a dream last night about how much I love my H. I was faced with the question of whether or not I would take my late-H back -- apparently he would come back to life if I just wanted him. I realized that it's not so much about loving one of them more than the other. I love them both deeply for different reasons; and I kept coming back to how I wanted to be with my H. Maybe it was that dream that got me thinking I about all of the reasons I have to appreciate my H. I made sure to tell him so this morning.
