Unlearning conflict avoidance 4

[25yearsmlc]

LL

I also think you are looking for some sort of guarantee BEFORE doing something new or different.

I don't see why that is. I am not clear on what you fear if a given course of action does not help much. What significant damage is done by you TRYING something new?

I guess losing the little contact you have with your family is your fear but is it realistic?

ISn't your present approach slowing losing you each r? I think the apparent apathy with your son, like not even saying good night or checking in with your son b/c he didn't seem to welcome it, reeks of apathy but it's really your fear of rejection.

YOU are the parent and we ALL get rejected by our kids at times. And that's tough. Our kids are not here to be our friends, we are here to love and guide them. We don't get to quit.

And though you have had a long marriage of dissatisfaction, which you are suddenly pretending isn't true, there must have been a reason she married you...and had 2 children with you. Where is that man?


After years of sort of Doing nothing drastically different, or of decreasing involvement, you have gotten to live a life of semi depressed spectator existence, and NOT the love you seek or need.

I'm a little worried that you think EE will change you.

EE will give you TOOLS to use for you to change. It's possible to do nothing new or different after EE.


It's rare but it's possible.
Of the 25 people I've sent, 2 chose that "path" and there lives did not change appreciably. They were too afraid. Both of them. It terrified them to realize that they'd need to change something in their lives and themselves, to be happy.

But the path to change was provided. Yet there are always some who prefer the devil they know to the unknown.

So you will need to decide IF you want to be in charge of your life. I'm not sure you are.

Make no mistake, staying in a lousy situation IS a choice. And not deciding anything, IS a decision...



You have to get yourself unstuck. No one else does it for you. But yes, EE is experiential so there are exercises that teach and reveal. You cannot 'rehearse" or "edit" your replies and reactions so you will learn a lot about yourself...

CHANGE REQUIRES 2 STEPS...

THE CHOICE/COMMITMENT TO CHANGE...AND

THE IMPLEMENTATION OF THAT CHANGE...


which is usually done in steps YOU must take. Then you re-evaluate the changes and choices and either restructure the changes, modifying them

or you re-commit. I've had to re-commit to choices a lot. Law school was a commitment I had to renew b/c I did NOT Like it...

I had to commit and recommit and change and recommit, to my marriage too...

in a way the "work" of life never stops. You make a choice pretty much every day.

But it's not like we are digging ditches. --YES you know sometimes it's HARD WORK---

but it's also what is joyful too.

Did you get anything out of my story about Carol? Read it again, please...