can i get her to stop cheating?

[beingused]

Am I blaming myself, yes. After my EA she accepted me back, yes she had an one night revenge A, but I was the one who put us both in the position. We went to a counselor one time, but stopped after that, I wish so much now that we would have gotten a better one, or tried another, but he was just such a....after two hours he told us two little insugnifigant tid-bits of each of our personalities. We both left there feeling it was a waste of time and didn't go back. Because of my own personnel shame all I wanted to do was ignore it all and hoped it would get to the point that it just faded away, that someday it would be just some minor insignifigant blurp in our marraige....if only I knew then what I know now!

As for her revenge A, I felt as though I had brought it upon myself, there was no real blame to put on her, it was my own doing, I did little more than acknowledge that it was my fault, that I put her in that position.

As far as how active she was before our marriage, when we met I was 24 and she was 19. She was only my third (I was just raised old fashion) but she had been with a fair amount for her age. I don't know that I ever asked her for an exact count (that was all pre-"us" history), but I know that it would have been around a dozen or so.

As for the seven men at once, as much as she's told me and/or I've found out about, she says it is just the one that she has feelings for (the one that's married w/ kids!) all the rest are just PA (%!$# buddies). She's told me that she doesn't want to be the one to ruin his marriage, which is a statement that leaves me more that just a little bit baffeled.

Statments like that in conjuction with her acts, and the fact that she's starting to make up more and more lies to go out and be with these other men, even to the point of choiceing them over our children. It has me seriously worried that there is something very seriously wrong! And maybe it's just misguided hope, but I feel that if I can just get the A's to stop, then maybe I can get her to start talking, open up, and maybe we can start to work on this.