darth vader and i

[BFloat]

Today I woke up tired.. But grateful I was able to sleep. I only woke up once.

At work today... And being here.. I'm reminded that at the time of BD.. my cancer scare also came back negative. All these moments where I feel I can not take another breath... They become overshadowed when I remember how it felt thinking I might not be around to watch the kids grow up..

I've been thinking a lot about my life.. And i feel that this life.. The way things are.. It is not the life I am meant to lead. I have always felt that there was something.. Deeper.. More meaningful.. And I just haven't been able to see it yet.

In my early 20's I thought I was meant for a life of missionary work. But marriage.. Kids.. The puzzles weren't quite fitting together. So now I sit here and wonder..

I started a new book. "Broken heart on hold". It's provided some comfort because the emotions she describes are exactly how I feel.

I'm lost.. I'm broken.. But i will not allow it to define my worth.