Home with sick daughter today, which gave me lots of time to think. And my thoughts weren't good. I basically married an unhappy person. That's part of the reason I was attracted to her. I thought I could make her happy.
But then life progressed in an intersting way.
We got married, she thought that would make her happy.
When she got in her current job she hated it, she wanted to get into management. That would make her happy.
Having kids would make her happy.
We were living in an apartment and she really wanted a house. That would make her happy.
We lived next door to my mother. When she died, the W needed to move to make her happy. So we bought a much larger house that my mom used to own.
She got promoted three times in four years at work. Each time she was excited but soon was eyeing another job. Now, she's been in the same position for six years. If she could just get promoted, that would make her happy.
The youngest daughter struggled in school and was diagnosed with ADHD, if we could just figure out to deal with her, that would make her happy.
Her old friends all kind of drifted off and she was told by management that she shouldn't be hanging out with her work friends. So if she could just find a hobby, that would make her happy.
After each child was born, she worked her way back down to a size 2 because being in shape would make her happy.
Now, she's a size 14 because that will make her happy.
She bought a dog three years ago because she had one growing up. That would make her happy.
So now I'm caught up in the wash. Each of these things in the end did not make her happy. Me, I always did my level best to make these things happen for her because I believed as well that these things would make her happy.
When they happened and she still wasn't happy, it'd throw me in a funk as well.
And she's still searching. She thinks life without me will make her happy.
So far, from what I can see, her stress level is the same even though I'm not there and both daughters are thriving in school.
Wow. That sounds so remarkably like my sitch. 8 houses and probably a dozen cars in our 13 years together not to mention tons of different jobs. Unhappiness hits and she runs to the next thing. She still isn't happy so I've been moved from the "fixed" to the "variable" column. I truly hope she finds one day that happiness comes from within and will likely require her to fight her own demons head-on. I still love her and can't imagine life without her. I saw your post about the 3 years to get over ex and my boss told me never got over his, just moved on, so I share your fear too.
I really feel for your situation. Don't give up hope, keep DB'ing and keep working on you. I always feel better when I get back on that right track.
