Why does relative normalcy feel so wierd? I suppose it could be because my H is practically living at my house, telling me he loves me, thinking of me as his wife and it's really not enough. I'm ready to hear what he has to say, but we still have communication problems. I'm working on my end of that, though he doesn't want to acknowledge it.
According to him, everytime he says something I twist it into something negative and make assumptions. I can see occassions where I have done that, just like I can see occassions where he has said some blatantly insensitive things with no other objective than to get me to admit me to see how flawed I am. I've been working on the assumptions, and he, intelligently, is "a little" more careful about what he says. I tried teasing him this weekend, by pretending to misunderstand something that was very clear. I made it clear that I was kidding, but he nearly hit the roof. Guess my effort hasn't made much of an impression on him. Apparently this is still a very sore subject for him.
Meanwhile, there is a whole world of dangerous topics we haven't gone near, and we need to if we're going to get any further in this. I personally think having a counselor at this point might take some of the pressure off by involving a third party who isn't hearing everything through our filters, so I'm thinking about asking him again to go to counseling with me. I'm trying to work out a decent approach. Last I heard, he said there wasn't any point. Whatever!
H mentioned a few things this weekend that concern me. Same old song stuff from him, but I still hate the tune. He's doesn't know if he'll ever be happy. Doesn't know what love is. Doesn't know what happiness is. Wants to get in shape again, but knows he'll end up hurting himself and having to stop again. Wants to work on his certifications, but IMHO is procrastinating still. He went to see his therapist last week. They talked about current events in the news, as usual. When he told me that, I said, "Glad you didn't discuss anything important." He glowered. I have no idea how to handle someone who won't take one bit of responsibility for his own happiness and sees no hope. I want to kick him in the b###, but what's the point when he's such an expert at doing it himself. I'm worried about him. He doesn't want to talk about it. Go figure.
