Unlearning conflict avoidance 4

[MrBond]

"By EE changing me, I mean that I will actively participate, be open, not block off things. Being a passive spectator will probably change nothing. I also hope that the EE group will facilitate personal change."

They will give you the tools, like any other program, BUT it will be up to you to really understand and take those things to heart AND apply them daily.

I think your big problem is that you don't have FAITH in things you can't see. You don't believe something unless you actually see it being done.

"I don't think it is necessarily clear how to live - Montaigne devoted a whole, famous book to this. We have new immigrants here in Sweden, for example, that don't know what is possible for them (go weightlifting? ride bikes? etc.) and I think something similar - horizon widening - is possible for everyone."

That's completely different than what you're going through. You're finding it hard to relate to people overall. This has nothing to do with external influences. Your biggest obstacle is yourself.

"Why not see a presumed expert on personal change, such as an IC? I don't understand your problem with this."

I didn't say I had a problem with it. I'm all for going to see experts who can help you. HOWEVER, a whole boatload of experts won't be able to help you unless you actually start changing.

Go back into your posts. You criticize, question, everything - experts, people who post to you on here, etc. Rather than just doing things that are recommended. You ask questions, you get answers, then you have more questions. Stop questioning and start doing.

"Shall I read personal change books by myself and not ask for external support?"

I never said that. But at some point you are going to have to stop reading and start doing. For example, the issue with the bedroom. We recommended going in there and sleeping with your W and stop sleeping on the floor. You didn't do it and instead came up with excuses why your W's opinion made sense and why you can't do it. This is just one example out of dozens. AND yet you come on here and say how miserable you are.

"I do things with my kids, cook, ski, hang out, used to read a lot to them, still bring them books."

That's, USED to.

"Yes, I feel isolated from them, but how do I get closer?"

By continuing to do things with them. They may be resistant to it at first because you've been out of it for awhile, but don't let that discourage you. You get easily discouraged.

"I would like to have a role model for this - ."

You don't need one. You have to start doing things that fit your situation in life and can't always emulate others.

It's YOUR life. Start taking charge of it.