The couple of weeks have been interesting. First, I ate dinner with XW and my two D's last Monday (8th). IT was great. Afterwards, XW and I went for a walk together. We talked, hugged, etc. The next day, XW and I spent the majority of the day together, as we were both off of work. It was nice (for awhile). Again, we talked, hugged, laughed, etc. Throughout the time, we talked about how we missed spending time together. One negative thing that was discussed was how she did not miss ML with me at all. She doesn't even think about it. That did hurt a little, but I needed to hear it. We have even kissed each other on cheeck. Then, I made the mistake of kissing her on the lips. She freaked and asked me to leave. She was not rude or anything like that. She was just not happy with it at all.
Later that night, we talked. She said that she just wasn't read for that, and she freaked out. She asked me to be patient with her. I agreed. Since then, things have slowly returned to how they were when we were going through the D. She has initiated contacted once since the "kiss" and now takes hours to reply to texts if she does at all.
I guess I am at a point where I probably need 2 x 4's. Here is how I see it: she is not physically attracted to me (not missing ML, kiss, etc). She enjoys the company (she hates to be alone), as the only time she wants me over is when she has no plans and/or it is her time with kids. I understand that one though, as she does have the kids on her own around 20 days/month. Has to be exhausting.
I really just don't know if I even want the relationship to work out. I honestly wonder to myself if I am just selfish since it isn't going as quickly as I had wanted before. I truly am just confused right now.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
I really just don't know if I even want the relationship to work out. I honestly wonder to myself if I am just selfish since it isn't going as quickly as I had wanted before. I truly am just confused right now.
It's only been 1-1/2 months since D, I think maybe you got a little impatient. With D your W probably felt like the pressure had been removed and thus she was more comfortable spending time with you again. But the kiss was too much pressure too soon. Honestly I don't blame you, things were going well and "fortune favors the bold", I can't say I would have done any differently than you did. I don't think you need to worry too much about it, just go back to giving her time and space. Go back to acting "as if". Don't bring up the kiss, just act like everything is fine no matter what.
I am not as worried about that one particular event. I guess the writing is on the wall with the following:
1. No contact (well ... one) unless I contact her. That was not the case the previous couple of months.
2. Flat out told me she doesn't miss physical anything with me (Do I still not believe anything?)
3. The kiss
4. Only wants to spend time with me during her time with the kids. Never when she has the opportunity to be away. Again, I do get this one, but it is still a fact.
Again, I may still be on the selfish side. I just don't know how much I have in me. I want to wait on her, but I wonder if it is a just a never-ending battle. We are divorced. Isn't there a reason for that?
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
It truly is amazing. I waited for months for an opportunity, and now I am just not honestly sure I want it anymore. I feel bad for saying that actually, but it is just the truth.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
I am not as worried about that one particular event. I guess the writing is on the wall with the following:
On the other hand she has been spending time with you, laughing, going for walks, even hugging and kissing. The kiss on the lips may have just been too much too soon.
Quote:
I want to wait on her, but I wonder if it is a just a never-ending battle. We are divorced. Isn't there a reason for that?
Divorce isn't the end, it's only over when you decide it's over. If you need to let go then do it, but make sure you're doing it because that's what you want.
Divorce isn't the end, it's only over when you decide it's over. If you need to let go then do it, but make sure you're doing it because that's what you want.
I guess that is what I am not sure about. I don't truly know what I want. I know that she expressed jealousy when I mentioned dating and opened up to me. I then did mention that I wouldn't be interested in dating since things were going so well with us. Then, the last two weeks. I wonder if she doesn't want me but also doesn't want someone else to have me. Mindreading I know.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Well, we have officially ended any and all R possibilities. For once, it wasn't because of some stupid thing that I did. Both us have talked about how we wish things were different, but we are honestly more afraid of what could happen if we got back together than what lies ahead for us without each other.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
Well, we have officially ended any and all R possibilities. For once, it wasn't because of some stupid thing that I did. Both us have talked about how we wish things were different, but we are honestly more afraid of what could happen if we got back together than what lies ahead for us without each other.
That's not necessarily a bad approach to take. Sometimes completely letting go is what starts the true healing. A buddy of mine separated from his W and they barely spoke for an entire year, they were DONE. Now they are dating and ML. So you never know.
That's not necessarily a bad approach to take. Sometimes completely letting go is what starts the true healing. A buddy of mine separated from his W and they barely spoke for an entire year, they were DONE. Now they are dating and ML. So you never know.
To be honest, it truly isn't an approach for me anymore. Could something like that happen, only the Lord knows. However, I am now officially moving on. The D has been final for over a month, and I finally have total peace about it.
BD: 8/20/2012 W Files: 8/23/2012 S: 8/25/2012 (I moved out) D Final: 3/5/2013
