Wife is having an emotional affair

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Alan, I am also fairly new so I don't have all of the answers but I am the W and I had an ea/pa. Unless someone is a serial cheater, there is a reason they have an affair, something that is missing in the R. I am not sure why Sandi suspects your wife is a SC (something she sees from experience that I can't see yet)but if she is, it very well could be true that you didn't do anything. However, if she isn't a SC, there were things you needed to do that you didn't, or did that you shouldn't be doing that make her feel the marriage won't work. Regardless of what you did, it does not make her decision okay but I encourage you not to make any permanent decisions yet. Do what the other members are suggesting and GAL, do not try to talk to her about your R and be sure to keep your self-respect. Trying to talk about your R, beg her, plead with her, etc will make her lose respect for you & it will make her feel guilty. She won't like that so she will pull away more. I can tell you from experience that even though I never wanted a divorce deep down, I definitely contemplated it and came close to leaving because my H placed all of the blame on me, was angry, bitter, condescending, etc. It is hard to feel loving and want to make up for the hurt you have caused if you are being treated poorly. So even though your wife is wrong, if you show her that, you will not get what you need and you will push her away. The fact that she isn't upset about you knowing about the A, and is saying she wants a divorce, indicates she definitely needs time to see the error of her ways. Do what the pros on here are recommending and go dark!