Quote: The garbage includes misconceptions and assumptions that are hard to put aside. Then there's old wounds that just aren't healed yet. Letting go of the garbage is one of those head down, feet forward kind of things. I just have to stop myself sometimes and do a reality check. Ever Vigilant!
Be ever vigilant not to act impulsively when it comes to misconceptions and assumptions. Force that pause that will allow the benefit of doubt to creep in.
Quote: Then there's the whole issue of control and criticism. I think he's controlling and critical. He thinks I'm controlling and hypersensitive. Despite our impasse on this subject, I think we're both handling these issues incrementally better lately.
Certainly does sound like a scenario where you have to choose your "battles" wisely and for the rest respond by acting "as-if" with "... whatever way you decide is best to handle it, I'm OK with."
Sounds like there isn't quite a level of comfortablity around sex for either of you at the moment. Do you do a lot of cuddling or snuggling? Raise the level of emotional intimacy and for the times that may stir up things inside, maybe a little gyro motion can raise the level of interest ... or what about taking showers together? ... make them playful ...
Personally, , one that works well for me is to shave my W's legs.
Explore different tacts to take ... trial and error ... kinda like foreplay in disguise or a backdoor approach might make it more comfortable ... whether they lead to sex or not, you should still gain a stonger bond that brings you closer together on a emotional level and given time as that grows it will help towards making the physical better too.
, one that works well for me is to shave my W's legs.
