Wife is having an emotional affair

[sandi2]

So sorry for your heartache, Alan. Unfortunately, we who have been here a while have seen this experience played out until we can come close to predicting the next scene. However, the newcomer isn't prepared to hear it from us and has to get the news in portions.

Your W had doubts about the M before the wedding, and that is not a good sign. Now, she's already in a PA. You caught this one by accident. You don't know how many EA's (or even PA's) she may have had. My first thoughts are of her being a serial cheater. If that's so, then she won't settle down and be faithful with one man, IMO. It would take her wanting to do it, first of all, and then therapy. Not MC, but therapy for her.

You may not have done anything wrong in the MR. You told me a lot about her when you said how she didn't need to "impress" anyone after she got M. But here's the problem......she needs to feel that drive to dress up and turn some on some man. She doesn't feel that for you, once she got you, so she looks for somebody else. If the A breaks up, it will be somebody later, IMO. That's why she needs therapy. It's a need she has. Part of the thrill is getting the guy. Then, she doesn't have the drive to impress him with her looks.

Don't agree to go to MC, b/c she will simply use it as the place and time to announce she wants a D. It does no good. She doesn't want counseling for a MR she doesn't want.

When a man says he wants to fight for his M, it usually means he fights with her. How else do you see fighting? I bet you see it as trying to talk some sense into her. Doesn't work.

The only thing that might work, if you decide to give it a try....is to stay away from her. Make her think you are dropping her. Then don't contact her at all. Zero contact. Let her and OM do their thing. She will either file for a D right away, or when reality hits them, the A will end and she'll turn back to good ole Alan.

Not putting you down, Alan. It's just how it plays out. If you read the other threads, you'll see what I mean. Sounds as if all the WAW's who are in an A are the same woman! I was one of those women who had an EA and was preparing to leave my H. So, I kinda know that mindset of a WAW. It's crazy! She's not who you thought you married! Right now, her mind is in a fog and you can't reach her. She'll have to go through a "process" before the fog clears. Sadly, many women get a D before the fog lifts.

You don't have to be the one to file. Even if you think you are finished, you need to wait on filing. But, do stay away from her. The sooner you disappear from her life, the sooner she will come looking for you. If you can stay anywhere else, don't continue under the same roof while she's having this A.