Confused about what I want

[BRNR]

I try to look at the situation as it is. That is: he has decided at this point in his life that I am not a priority; we have little contact (none in the last two weeks) and he is a long way away

That is what I need to do. I have to fully accept it...some days I do and some days I don't. Every day that goes by I see how much further my H is getting. I really don't see that mine will be one of the ones that returns. This pains me to say. It breaks my heart into a million pieces. I just have to stop hoping that he will return...I think it just keeps me stuck.

Thank you Snodderly and Portia - I always feel comfort and support when I come to these boards, but I really need to start learning to stand on my own. I was always so independent and strong and this sitch has turned me into quite the opposite. Well this is how I feel on the inside anyway. I think on the outside I portray something way differently. I've heard as much from the few people who have seen me and know what is going on. Everyone consistently tells me that I look good and seem to be handling things well and they would be a mess if they were in my shoes.