LRT - Dealing with WAW Affair

[RealityTrip]

I have been reading a lot this morning. More than I should. It can be easy to let reading on the A topic consume my time. So I am going to post and get out of the office and go run some errands so I can come back and refocus on my work.

I was thinking about how my W would tell me that I don't always listen well. That she felt I was thinking of an answer before she finished talking in regards to arguements or stressful discussions... and I just landed on the realization that my WAW has never said she wants a D. When I was in my crazy banshee cry/beg/plead/etc mode, back then she always said she doesn't know what she wants and is confused. She even wrote me a note once after the S that read "I love you. I do not want a divorce." If I replay the conversations in my head a large part of what she said was that she "didn't think that I would really ever be able to forgive her."

She's right about how I jump to judgement and begin my defense in my head far too soon to really be listening to her. And in this process, I wasn't really listening because I had made up in my mind that words are meaningless when your actions contradict them. She was saying that, writing those things, and never asking for a D "outloud", but her actions show me something completely different. She's still in A and has moved out. Isn't THAT what I should be really "listening" to?