When my daughter was very young and would ask these types of questions, I tried not to be very specific and supporting and understanding of her feelings. "I know you want mommy and daddy to live together but right now mommy and daddy are working on some things. Just know we both love you and understand your just a kid...have fun." That worked for me... Hope it will help you.
I agree that it would be best if all of you could go and support S. Just a question and maybe I am out of line here but why do you need H's permission to go? Why vcant you and D just show up and support S? You dont have to sit right next to H, you could just sit in the same general area. In my opinion, that is a show of strength to your S. You showing up to support him because that is the right thing to do. These competitions are about him and his abilitites, not you and your H's stuff. This is probably the one and only place he can escape lifes "stuff". Its important to him.
My daughter did the same thing with Ice Skating. Its her release form reality. My ex and her mom are their every time. They even tried to hide the fact that she was doing it the first year and didnt invite or inform me of what was going on. I took it upon myself to find out and participate. I sit a long ways away from them but you know what??? My daughter doesnt care cause it is all about her on the ice, not about her parents and their problems. She gets to share the wins and the losses with both of us on her terms. now that she is older she has voiced that she knew what mom and grandma did to me and she said she is very proud of me for showing up and not allowing them to get in my way of our relationship.
Focus on what is best for the kids. It will take alot of your time and energy but it will be worth it for all of you and it will help distract you from the situation and burn time. Keep it balanced though and dont forget to take care of yourself. If you arent ok, nobody else can be either.
