confusion...

[willbwell]

I feel like the hired help. Its no wonder that resentment builds... I have to remind myself.. The prayer of generosity

[Mylifex6]

When my daughter was very young and would ask these types of questions, I tried not to be very specific and supporting and understanding of her feelings. "I know you want mommy and daddy to live together but right now mommy and daddy are working on some things. Just know we both love you and understand your just a kid...have fun." That worked for me... Hope it will help you.

I agree that it would be best if all of you could go and support S. Just a question and maybe I am out of line here but why do you need H's permission to go? Why vcant you and D just show up and support S? You dont have to sit right next to H, you could just sit in the same general area. In my opinion, that is a show of strength to your S. You showing up to support him because that is the right thing to do. These competitions are about him and his abilitites, not you and your H's stuff. This is probably the one and only place he can escape lifes "stuff". Its important to him.

My daughter did the same thing with Ice Skating. Its her release form reality. My ex and her mom are their every time. They even tried to hide the fact that she was doing it the first year and didnt invite or inform me of what was going on. I took it upon myself to find out and participate. I sit a long ways away from them but you know what??? My daughter doesnt care cause it is all about her on the ice, not about her parents and their problems. She gets to share the wins and the losses with both of us on her terms. now that she is older she has voiced that she knew what mom and grandma did to me and she said she is very proud of me for showing up and not allowing them to get in my way of our relationship.

Focus on what is best for the kids. It will take alot of your time and energy but it will be worth it for all of you and it will help distract you from the situation and burn time. Keep it balanced though and dont forget to take care of yourself. If you arent ok, nobody else can be either.

[Mylifex6]

I feel like the hired help. Its no wonder that resentment builds... I have to remind myself.. The prayer of generosity

Im struggling with resentment myself...... Very hard to get over for sure. I feel like i am a walking pay check and thats it. Ive come to the realization, and I may be all wrong here but I think I need to do a better job of giving, without expecting anything in return. If it doesnt come back then I have to ask myself if this is a relationship that I want to stay in or not. I can only control myself, if the other side cant see my needs......well this is the part that hurts and we dont want to face.

[willbwell]

Out in public and in front of the kids we act very normal except no touching any more! son's competitions for the most part out of town and travel is hard on my handicapped d. We had usually(with older son too) done the one parent go the other stay. The next comp. in a couple of weeks is close enough for d to go. I will go with d regardless if H goes, would just be nice... We've been to others together...we stay same hotel room. I sleep with d. Out in public, people wouldn't know besides fact H doesn't wear his ring. There is no glaring at each other.
Part of what is so hard about this too. H will call with his sweet voice and I will think... He's coming back! He finally figured it out! Only to get my hopes dashed again...I know this is the roller coaster. I know this is a marathon. I keep thinking but... my H is different! He really would be a fool to leave me!( forgetting he already has!)Thought STOP! Look to the Lord, look at my sweet D. see already I feel better..it helps.

[willbwell]

Here's another one I want to put out there. So maybe I will follow thru! S 19 called H about a money issue. Now in the past I would have been mad that H didn't discuss with me. Granted he did not discuss with me because he's not here often, but he could have emailed... S19 told me about this $ issue afterwards. I am choosing to say nothing to H about it. If it comes up I will just say oh, ok.
my goals, detatchment, when H is nice to not pursue!

[Mylifex6]

Yep.... I would agree with you.

[willbwell]

I miss the physical. its already been the situation fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me! However, I would still stand on my head naked if that would get my H back. I have no self respect!!! What is wrong with me? I know better. Anyway that sit is not presenting itself. I'm just rambling here! But, do miss the physical and sorry, a run just doesn't cut it...

[willbwell]

Advice please... S 16 has two big competitions coming up. Both out of town. H went to last one and I went to the one before that. I think it would be nice if we could both go to next- it's 3 hrs away and d could go. The 2nd race will be a plane ride. Big deal race. I asked h if we could both go and leave D with a sitter. I saw the panic in his face. I'm going to email and say it shouldn't be a big deal this is not about h and myself but to support s. However if he feels uncomfortable than I will stay with d and he can go. I'm not trying to manipulate or have expectations. Just think it's too bad for s that it has to b one parent or the other at his races.

[willbwell]

How do I get posts read and responded to? This is a fire to me! Trying to be better at patience!

[Mylifex6]

I would agree with snailing him and letting him know you will be there. Get a sitter and be thee for S. That is the right thing to do on my opinon. Plus I would make it a statement. Not a question. Detatch and do what you know is right.